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Out with the old....in with the new

***TMI WARNING***

A New Year, a new uterine lining. Yes the party is finally started in my lady bits, and I'm oddly relieved.

I've been waiting over a week since stopping meds for the show to start without so much as a twinge. I felt morning sick. I got comments from unknowing people about how cute my pregger bump was. And I still felt guilty drinking a cup of coffee. So I decided to schedule an appointment with my general practitioner just to see if we could do a quick ultrasound and see if anything was happening at all.

The only appointment they had was for New Year's Eve, and since I didn't have so much as a twinge I figured why not. But the day before my appointment I felt really queasy all day. I've had HORRID allergies with all the cedar pollen, so I just figured my snotty drainage was doing a number on my tummy. So I chilled out all day with the kiddos and took it easy. Then that night, just before bed I went to the bathroom and saw the tiniest little spec o…

Little Sprouts

It's been a day and a half since I took my last dose of meds, and all I hear is crickets from my uterus. It's a well known fact that she really likes to hold on to pregnancies regardless of what the fetus decides. But I hope she gets the damn memo soon. 
Game Over uterus. Reset. 
In the mean time I've been plenty busy with Christmas just days away. I called my mom last night in tears because I was overwhelmed. Not just with the baby stuff but with everything. We just got back in town, but when we left things were so hectic with strep throat, class parties, dance recitals, shopping, gift wrapping, packing and breathing treatments that my house was in shambles. 
I'm no Susie Homemaker, and mess typically doesn't bother me. But I wanted it cleanish for Santa and it looked like we'd been robbed. 
On top of that I only had two days until Christmas to whip things into shape, and all the while I was anxiously awaiting a pregnancy loss with no idea what to expect. 
Mom talk…

Time to stop

Tonight is the night. For the first time in many weeks I won't be prepping my needle or lining up my pills. 
We are back from our trip, and on the drive I decided that tonight it's time to stop meds. My pregnancy symptoms have pretty much all subsided except for the occasional dizziness. I saw the evidence on Friday, but I still thought what if? 
Then over the weekend I realized I wasn't sick anymore and I felt pretty normal. Pretty not pregnant. Pretty sad. 
I'm a little scared for tomorrow. I'm hoping the worst passes quickly and that I'll be through the hardest part by Christmas Eve. The clinic said it's hard to say when the bleeding will start because the PIO shots stay in your system for weeks. Ideally nothing would happen until next week after the holidays. But that would mean spending the holidays worrying that every twinge was the start of something. 
So I just hope it starts tomorrow and goes quickly. I don't know what to expect because with my mis…

Confirmation

Went back in today for the ultrasound this morning and we got the news we were dreading. Little one was the exact same size as the first day we saw it. And it was quiet. 
My poor Baby Mama and Baby Daddy were heartbroken. She'd told me they were prepared, but I don't think there is such a thing. 
I talked to the doc after they left about what to expect. It doesn't sound pretty, but she agrees that I'll be fine to wait until I get back from my trip next week to stop meds. The risks with miscarriage are greater than the slight risk of infection the transfer clinic alleged. 
She also asked if I wanted a collection kit for when I pass the baby. They can do testing to figure out what went wrong. I told them to give it to me, and I walked out of the office holding a sad little box. 
The IPs were torn about testing but they were dealing with a lot. So I'm going to do my best to collect what I can. If they want the answers at least I can give them the chance. I was never given…

B.S.

I've contemplated this post, and at first I didn't think I'd write it. But so many people have been asking how the repeat ultrasound went, and you've all been sending well wishes and prayers and happy thoughts. So I decided to just write it to fill you in.

Yesterday I relived one of the most difficult moments of my life. I laid on a table waiting for the grainy black and white screen to show me a reassuring flicker. The screen swirled and I immediately saw the sac with the baby. Whew. I also saw the yolk sac, which I wasn't able to see last week, so I took that as a sign. Then I saw a blink, and then like a jackass I said "Whew! There's the heartbeat!"

But as the doctor zoomed in to get an audio I just heard static. She fiddled with the wand and the machine a bit, zoomed in more and still just the vacant steady whooshing of static. She recorded some kind of pulse, but said it was slower than she'd expect at this stage. I think I saw 114 bpm but I …

Heart Beats

A lot has been going on in the Surro World. If you remember I was supposed to originally transfer in October, but my cycle was less than prompt. So we rescheduled for November.

In October we had a lot of girls in our surro group who transferred, and only one or two got a positive beta. November however seemed to be going much better. Out of our November transfer group there was only one girl that I knew of who didn't get a positive beta. I'm still holding out hope for her. She's had such a rough time, and I know her day is coming.

So I knew of 5 of us in the November transfer group with positive betas. My transfer twin had ridiculous beta numbers so we were all thinking she was probably carrying twins or a toddler. Mine were respectable, but not super high. I was feeling cautiously optimistic just as our clinic instructed.

Then last week things started to take a turn. One of our transfer buds (who had almost identical first and second betas as me) got a less than super 4t…

Another Milestone

It's been almost a week since we got our positive beta and I'm still smiling. I can't tell you how touched I was that Baby Mama offered to guest blog the announcement. I'm still so giddy for them.


However over the weekend I was secretly getting nervous. I continued to pee on sticks after we got the positive beta because I really needed to see that line darken. Truth be told I was a little disappointed in a beta of 38. There's no rational reason for my disappointment. I knew it would be positive, and 38 is a perfectly respectable number. The norm is anything from 5 to 426. That's a pretty broad range, and 38 is perfectly fine. Anything over 5 is positive for pregnancy. Still...I just figured our numbers would be higher.


I didn't want to worry Baby Mama or Baby Daddy because there was nothing to worry them about. The first number actually doesn't mean much except that the pregnancy test is positive. The real tell-tale sign would be our second beta. The H…

Dear Embie

Tonight's guest blog comes to you courtesy of the famous Baby Mama:
Dear Embie,
Today is "T-day”+ 10 and everything has slammed to a crawl.  
The past 10 days have actually gone by quite fast, considering.  As you might imagine, I’ve been doing everything in my power to stay busy. I’ve cooked more in the last week than I probably have all year (to the point that I’ve broken my crockpot).  The house is spotless (except for the ceiling fans which I’m tackling today soon).  The dogs are WELL exercised and fed (I made them homemade dog treats) and I’ve even started the now famous Gilmore marathon on Netflix on Crystal’s recommendation. All to keep the “what ifs” at bay. 
But they still sneak up on me.  During my morning coffee.  Whenever I see a baby in the grocery store.  Right before I fall asleep.  Oh, and in the shower.  I’ve had some really good crying jags in the shower.  
It’s been hard to know whether to cry tears of joy or sorrow.  I am, of course, overcome with joy that we’v…

What are we waiting for?

I did my bloodwork early this morning to ensure that we got our results at a reasonable hour. No sense dragging this out. Let's get this show on the road.



My appointment was at 8:15, but I didn't go back until 9:30. While I was waiting I called Sweet Pea's doctor because she's been in a weird barfing pattern. I spent from 4:30 this morning until 6 catching barf in wash cloths and hand towels every 5 minutes. This seems to happen every week and then she's fine for a week. Something's got to give. While I was waiting to be called back, her doctor called and said she'd scheduled Sweet Pea for a CT scan.


Gulp.


My heart fell in my stomach a little. But the doc assured me it was just to rule out anything major. I was hardly aware when they took my blood.

I finished my blood work and took Sweet Pea home for a cuddle. I knew the beta wouldn't be back for a few hours, and the CT scan wasn't until the afternoon. So I was happy to let Daniel Tiger distract me …

Morning sickness

Ugh I was so sick this morning. Noooo not like that. More like my snot nosed kid sneezed in my face all night and now my throat is killing me. 
This is the portion of our program where I discover all the stuff I forgot are forbidden during pregnancy. I emailed the clinic for suggestions but they were out. Baby Mama suggested lemon and honey.  And as disgusting as that sounded it was actually effective. It wasn't until after I downed the concoction that the clinic emailed back suggesting peppermint tea. A bit more palatable than hot water with honey and lemon. But both are working equally well.  
I took Sweet Pea to the dr. and they determined it was viral. So that's good news. No strep or flu to contend with. 
And...Today is our transfer-versary! It's been exactly one week since our transfer!! It's been both the longest and shortest week ever. 
Just 3 more days until our blood hcg test! I need to stay busy and I know it'll be here before I know it!! 
Until then I'll…

Pee Thirty

Someone got a positive pregnancy test!! 😝
No not me!! I'm not divulging any results positive or negative until next Thursday. But my cousin...the one who has struggled with infertility for almost ten years...got a positive beta this week! 
Her first round of IUI didn't take, and we were all bummed. But she brushed herself off and got back on that horse, and she's officially pregnant! I'm so happy for her!! She is a very deserving mother. This has been a long time coming. 
As for me, I'm just trying to stay distracted. I think the key is to just stay out of the house so those pee sticks don't beckon me. 
I have plenty to do with my kids' social calendars (thanks three bday parties this weekend). Plus I just realized my book signing is on Tuesday! Ack! Not sure how that snuck up. But il so excited to reunite with my fabulous former editor. 
It is funny I'm hosting a wine and cheese night, when I can neither partake in the wine nor the soft cheese. But I'm…

T Day

I remember where I was when I really really decided to become a surrogate. I've toyed with the idea since I was pregnant with Sunshine, but the day I really decided to actually act on this dream I was lying in bed next to Sweet Pea. I'd just put her down for a nap, and it was the first time she didn't nurse to sleep in all her little life. It was such an emotional moment, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of elation and purpose.

That's kind of how I felt as I boarded the plane Saturday morning. Mom drove me to the airport so Hubs didn't have to wake the girls. I needed to be there at 6 a.m. and I'd slept surprisingly well the night before despite my excitement. I felt a sense of peace and calm. This is what we've been waiting for all these long months. Through the uncertainty over the little embie and the bloodwork and ultrasounds and contracts and progesterone shots. All of this time seemed to drag on and all of a sudden I found myself on a plane…

Karma Coated Tuesdays

First I'd like to welcome all our friends joining us from Scary Mommy! My post about surrogacy has brought a flurry of new readers and I couldn't be happier. Mamamia contacted me and wants to publish the post as well! We're spreading the surro word for sure this week!

Now for the evening news...

My butt is sore. 
Just as I sassily post about stopping Lupron injections and how normal I feel I began my PIO shots. Progesterone In Oil, I'm convinced, is a serum made from sesame oil and ninjas. I did my first injection last night, and it actually went quite well.


The needle is quite intimidating no doubt. First there's the one you use to draw up the oil.


Then there's the slightly smaller gauge needle that you jab into your butt. It made those Lupron needles look like an angel kiss.


I watched about a hundred YouTube videos, some of which were quite helpful. Very matter of fact women assuring me that this won't hurt a bit. Then there's the one I watched where…

Guest Rooms and Guest Wombs

Whoa baby it's been a whirlwind the past few weeks. I had to reread my last post so I could see exactly what you people know about. Last you heard I'd just started my injections. Well as of yesterday I am stopping my Lupron injections!

So backing up a bit...I had an ultrasound last Monday to check in on my ovaries and make sure they were nice and quiet. I had 10 folicles less than 10 mm on one side and 8 less than 10 on the other side. To those who aren't in the ovary business that's great news and it means it's like a library in my lady parts. Nice and quiet. We want my eggs to stay put and not develop and butt in on our little embie. So my ovaries are behaving. Good girls.


My uterus is also behaving. Last Monday it cleared out that old outdated lining to make way for the fluffy fabulousness of this season's IVF transfer lining. Coming November 2014.

The next day I started the Estrace pills that are supposed to not only fluffy up my uterus but also make me cry…