Sunday, June 29, 2014

Pregger Friends

My last pregnancy was a part of a weirdly coincidental pregnancy pact. I had a lively 2-year-old who had me thinking I wouldn't try for another child until she was in college. At the time I had friends who casually mentioned that they were thinking about maybe possibly starting on those sibs, but all of us were very happy with our singletons.
I figured out I was pregnant with my second born on my first born's second birthday. I'll give you a moment to process that.
I was throwing my baby girl a fabulous Alice in Wonderland unbirthday birthday party, but all I could think was how badly I wanted to rip off my husband's head and shove it down his throat. How dare he try and help ice that cake!? I worked for hours. How. Dare. He.
My father-in-law jokingly said the last time I was so grumpy with the Hubs was when I was pregnant with my first-born.
The test confirmed it, and we called her the Immaculate Conception for a reason. I couldn't remember the last time I showered without interruption. Conceiving a child seemed an impossibility, yet here we were.
Then like a bad case of the stomach flu, all my friends started turning up pregs. It was nice because all of our toddlers were just a few months apart, and now the sibs would be right in the same zone too.
Having people who know what you're going through is paramount during pregnancy. It was nice to be able to bitch about my cankles or barf in someone's mixing bowl without judgment.
But in the surro world I figured I'd mostly be going it alone. It's just a different ball game entirely. I really don't have too much in common with someone who is trying to bake their own bun. I don't want to talk about whether I want a boy or girl or what I'm going to name it because those aren't my choices and by God I am excited as hell about that.
I have this vision of my husband popping the top on a Red Stripe just as I'm popping the baby out into the loving arms of her parents. I'll just kick back and down the beer while they figure out how to swaddle their new little cheesy wrinkly bundle of responsibility. 
It's just not the same image an expectant mother has for her own L&D.
Luckily this weekend I had the privilege of meeting some amazing women who have all completed at least one journey through surrogacy.
I was invited to a picnic to meet up with other Texas surrogates, so I gave the Hubs a free pass to work on the kid's playhouse for the day while my mom and I trekked the kids to Austin for the get together.
I wasn't really sure what to expect since I'm such a noob to the whole surrogacy thing, so it felt a bit like an awkward blind date as I approached the park. I didn't even really know to who look for since I don't know the ladies in attendance personally. And I wasn't sure if I was supposed to look for a bunch of preggers or just a bunch of superheroes or what?
I finally saw a familiar face as I scanned the crowd. There among the picnic tables was my surrogate case manager. And in her arms was a tiny squirming baby she'd delivered just a few months ago.
It totally solidified why I'm doing this. Her IF came to the picnic and she got some snuggle time with her surro baby, who by the way was totally adorable.
I'm finally to the point in my life where newborns are cute again. The don't look like wrinkly little balls of responsibility. I can appreciate their beauty once long as their parents don't wander too far.
The entire picnic was just fabulous. I met some amazing women who have all been through this journey I'm on. It was great because they were all just so nice and normal and not weirdos. I mean I don't know why I would have expected weirdos. I don't think I'm that weird. I'm pretty normal. I have a mini van, shop at Target and I'm super into Downton Abbey. But they were all just so fabulous. They were well-spoken, well-educated, nice, normal, beautiful women.

It was also encouraging to see that so many of them went through the process more than once. I've had a few naysayers tell me that I'm going to totally regret this, and while I don't feel that in the least, it was very reassuring to hear one surrogate tell me "Oh honey, you just wait. It's addicting."
They shared stories confirming what I'd suspected. That handing that baby over to its parents was the most amazing thing they've ever done outside of birthing their own children.
I also got a lot of tips from experienced surros about what to expect and the different challenges they faced. I even found one surrogate who is also an attorney! She was incredibly nice and funny. And after talking to her for maybe 10 minutes I totally had a chick crush, so I asked her if she'd represent me with all the silly contracts and what not.
My psych evaluation lady stressed to Hubs and I that we really needed to find a good attorney who would really represent our best interests. Since this lady just delivered surrogate triplets I figured she might just know a thing or two about egg hatchin' contracts.
Not sure if we can be friends though. She's like 120 lbs. soaking wet less than a year after delivering triplets. We'll see. Maybe she got massive stretch marks or some redeeming quality.
I told her we're waiting on contracts, so she said she'd happily represent me so that I have someone to commiserate with as we wait on this part of the show. 
I'm so glad I went to the picnic, and I'm even more excited to meet with my IPs on Wednesday at our group meeting!
It's nice to have a new group of pregger friends for this journey. I still need the loving support of my original pregger friends. But the extrovert in me just loves the idea of expanding my friend zone.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Patience is a four letter word

It's been a little quiet on the surro front. The name of the game is patience these days. After our psych evaluation we were told that we needed to do a group session, which I was totally psyched about!

I'm hilarious.

Anyway I was really excited to do the group eval because it meant we got to chat face to face with our IPs again. I'm not sure why our communication is so minimal in these early stages. It seems so...sterile. But I guess they do it while I'm passing all my screenings so things don't get sticky in case I can't carry for some reason? I don't really get it.

Anyway, I heard back early in the week from the fertility clinic because my thyroid levels were low. I got a little nervous because Dr. Google told me 1. obviously I'm going to die and 2. I might not be able to be a carrier.

It was unclear through their email if my thyroid was underactive or overactive. They just said something something blah levels...blah thyroid...low. Retest.

So I went in for more bloodwork on Wednesday, and I asked the girl if they thought I was hyper or hypo. She took me into her office to check and said they thought hyper.


Hyperthyroidism is characterized by a number of things, but the symptom that pretty much rules me out is the inability to gain weight...yeah..uhmm noo...

She asked if I had any of the other symptoms like being mega tired or wired or wanting to kill myself all the time...I'm starting to wonder about people really. I've been asked about a thousand times since we started this if I want to off myself? Makes me really sad actually! There must be tons of people who can't go on.

I think that if I ever got to the point where life wasn't worth living I'd do something crazy. Like I'd sell all my possessions and run off to Europe to do some kind of Eat, Pray, Love thing. I'm totally too afraid of dying as it is, and I get really melodramatic when I bump my hip on the corner of the dining room table. So yeah I don't think suicide is even an option for me.

I told her I'm only as tired or hyper as a mother of two young kids should be, and I've not had anything resembling suicidal thoughts. So she said we're probably fine and nothing to worry about. The worry I guess with low levels is that I wouldn't be able to sustain a pregnancy.

While waiting for the results we were also trying to schedule our group session, which proved to be quite a challenge. I'm taking a trip to visit my in-laws with the kids in July, but the psychologist was going to be out of town this week and all kinds of scheduling conflicts arose.

Trying to schedule five grown adults for a powwow was way harder than I thought. We got an email from our Surro Solutions guru that we wouldn't be able to meet until mid-July!

I was dying because I'm just itching to set a transfer date, and it looked like this dog and pony show was at a stand still. I tried to be cool in the group email and said that's fine we'll be available that week whenever they like.

Luckily the IF was not as patient. He emailed back saying that while they know they'll have to be patient for 9 months while I cook their baby, he was going to do his damndest to speed this part up. Hoorah!! That cleared the path for us to meet next week!

The downside is that I now have both my IPs email addresses. The extrovert in me is dying. I've already drafted an email in my mind to my IM just being like "OMG I've been going through all these tests and I want you to know everything is great and my uterus is totally rad and I'm ready to put your baby inside me and aren't you excited because I'm totally excited and I can't wait to hand you your baby for the first time and see your faces and I hope it all works out swimmingly because I'm a little nervous about you putting all your eggs in my basket and what if it doesn't work and I've already been taking prenatals and going to the gym so I'm semi fit and I quit Sweet Tea which is really a big deal but I want to give you the best chance ever OMG!!"

But I haven't sent it. And I won't. I'll totally respect this whole weird go through the surrogate agency thing for now. Our Surro pro said once our contracts are signed she'll hand most of the communication over to us, so we can chat like people.

Ugh contracts. I don't know why it takes so long to draft these things. I would assume there's some kind of Word template for it by now!? They sent me the financial part for my approval and I didn't change anything? I was like yeah yeah whatever's standard is fine with me! I just want to get this baby growing!!!!

So we got our group sesh scheduled, then yesterday I heard back about my test results. Turns out my normal level of thyroid happiness is just low. They ran some other T3 free something or other tests and my levels are totally normal. Just on the low end of the spectrum. But totally baby friendly. Super happy about that, albeit a little secretly disappointed I'm not going to be in the Skinny No Matter What You Eat Club.

So now we wait. I guess we're mainly waiting on the contract thing. To my understanding once we have those we can set a date!

Until then I'll just be cool and practice my patience.

Monday, June 16, 2014

Some Heavy Stuff

We had our psych evaluation today, and I'm happy to report that I am not "clinically" insane.

They don't actually tell you that, but I'm guessing because I answered most of the questions about punching people out or doing lots of drugs with "Mostly untrue" that means I pass.

Hubs and I dropped the kids off with some friends of ours so they could do VBS while we got psyched out. After we picked the kids up I asked how VBS went. Sunshine said "I uh....I don't want to talk about it."

After some provocation I learned that a little boy in her class took part of a house she was building, so she decked him Christian style. I asked what the teacher said, and she told me the teacher told her "Oh it's ok." I forgot we moved back to Texas. Stand your ground laws and what not...

Sweet Pea had a different experience. She's a bit of a mama's girl, so I was curious as to how she handled not only going to a new place but being dropped off without me. Her best buddy was there as well as a friend from her dance class, so I asked how she liked it. She told me "I like my friends. I scared of Jesus." Fantastic.

So basically Sunshine felt the Spirit move her and they put the fear of God in Sweet Pea. Fab.

Meanwhile Hubs and I were sitting in the most tranquil of waiting rooms waiting for our turn with the shrink.

We're trying to stifle our laughter as we're surrounded by all this fertility loveliness that I can only assume is meant to relax your ovaries or something. It's basically a room full of Enya, and on the TV is a video of these guys in white suits doing synchronized sky diving. I read too much into it and equated them as little sperm swimming toward the egg/Earth. But Hubs just thinks it was a weird part of the psych test to make us nuts.

So we're giggling about a story we're reading on my phone about a Texas grocery store selling pizzle. Look it up. worth it. We're 12.

And they called us back.

We go into a room and are told we'll have to take a little written exam but separately so we don't cheat or something. This dear little written exam has 344 statements that I'm supposed to indicate to what degree I agree or disagree with. Then I'm to copy those responses from the paper to a computer thingy that will tally my level of crazy. I get down to biznass and Hubs goes into a separate chamber to complete his.

Homegirl tells us it takes most people 45 minutes to an hour to complete it, but Hubs and I are overachievers (plus we're hoping to shave time off of our session so we can hit up Wendy's before we have to pick up the kids). So we both finished in 25 minutes.

The written portion went like this:

Some of my favorite things were how many times they ask if you want to just kill yourself or like if your friends think drugs are a good idea. Then they'd throw a statement in there like "My favorite activity is the high jump" and "Most people love going to the dentist". I didn't really know how to answer that last one. I put Sometimes True. But I think the answer was False. Fail.

Anyway I guess I mostly answered them right because I only got one follow up question when we got in for our chat session. There was a statement that said "I've never been in trouble with the law." and I put "Mostly True"

The thing is I got a curfew ticket when I was 15, so I wanted to just go ahead and own my mistakes. The lady asked about question 47 and what kind of trouble I had with the law. It took everything I had not to tell her that I fought it. But it won.

Then we got on to some serious stuff. She wanted to know about our childhoods and about our marriage and if we thought we'd have trouble handing over the baby and what not. Those were  the easy questions.

The tough stuff came when she wanted to know how we felt about termination should that subject arise. That's the one thing I've struggled with a lot so far in my surrogacy journey. I know how I feel about selective reduction for multiples. I can't be matched with a couple who would want me to off one of the babies because he's crowding my uterus. We're only working with one embie, so the most we'll have is two in there. That's fantastic with my IP's because they want at least two babies. So we're cool on that.

But then there's the grey area of termination because of....other stuff. There are a myriad of reasons that people terminate pregnancies, but I'm not even aware of what they all are. What I do know is how I felt with my pregnancies. I didn't even get genetic testing done because there wasn't a syndrome in the world that would convince me that my baby didn't have a chance to live.

We've talked about this with our IP's and they assured me that they wouldn't terminate unless it was an extreme circumstance. For instance if the baby was going to suffer and then die immediately following birth. Or if my life was in jeopardy. But apparently we really need to nail this down.

My initial thoughts on this were that I'm not comfortable terminating for any reason. I wasn't willing to terminate my own children for any reason at all, so I wasn't willing to terminate anyone else's. And while I still basically feel that way, my Surrogate Solutions rep painted a new picture for me. If it were my child it would be my choice. Everything would. I'd choose if I was going to drink coffee or take up jogging during pregnancy. I'd decide what to wear for maternity photos and what doctor was going to catch my baby as she came into the world.

So many of those decisions have been taken away from my IM. She wants the life decisions to be theirs to make. It's not my baby that would suffer. It's not my child that I'd have to hold knowing I only had moments before she suffocated to death in my arms.

After talking for a while I defined a little more clearly what I'm comfortable with. I'm still a no go when it comes to selectively reducing for multiples. I can't play eenie meenie miney moe, that one lives and that one goes. Not happening.

And I'm still not comfortable terminating if they suspect the baby has something like Down Syndrome. That same friend who was so tender in telling me about her pregnancy while I was grieving the loss of my twins found out that her son had markers for Down's. She was faced with the gut-wrenching decision to terminate or continue the pregnancy. Now her handsome man is 5 years old. And no he didn't have Down's after all.

Even so, I have another friend with a daughter Sweet Pea's age who has Down's Syndrome. I can't in good faith enter into an agreement with a couple who would terminate for something like that. No I haven't had to live with a child with special needs. I'm sure it's beyond difficult, and I'm sure at times those parents don't know how they do what they do. But the fact of the matter is I could deliver a perfectly healthy baby to these people and they could get in a car accident on the way home from the hospital that would leave their baby paralyzed for life.

There are no guarantees in parenthood, and although I'm not passing judgment on anyone, I personally can't be a part of a contract that will force me to terminate a person because they'll be a burden. Children are a freakin' burden! That's actually the definition of a child.

"Child: n. a tiny squaller hell bent on parental domination. Special needs include 24-hour supervision and diets consisting of chicken nuggets and plain white pasta. In the shape of a pig tail."

So we just have some things to discuss, and our counselor is going to set up a group session with us and our IPs to just chat and get some dialogue going. I really truly hope this doesn't end our journey. I hope hope hope hope our IPs realize that I do want the decisions about their baby to be their to make. But I also can't do something that will haunt me forever. Even if the chances are low. I can't risk it for anyone's sake.

So that's it for now. I think other than our group session we're just waiting on contracts, which I'm told can take a few weeks.

Things might be quiet for a while, but I hope hope hoooopppeeee to be back soon with good news!

Friday, June 13, 2014

Test Tubes

I arose bright and early this morning and bee bopped into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a glass of sweet tea a little cup of crack Trader Joe's mangos and cream yogurt. 6:30 a.m. is a strange time in my house. The air is almost thick with silence because the monkeys are still sleeping.

I savored the mangos and silence for a moment as I let my plans for the day sink in. I don't normally crack into Bush's sweet tea at 6:30 a.m., but my Friday the 13th plans called for the strong stuff.

The Hubs was meeting me at RMA (the fertility clinic) for our blood work and mock transfer this morning, so I needed some pep in my step. Normally 6:30 a.m. is a grumpy groggy time for me. But this morning I was too excited to drag.

As Sweet Pea toddled into the kitchen and rubbed her sleepy little eyes, I just thought my heart would burst. I am just so lucky to have this chubby little bunny standing before me in her too-big t-shirt and those big blue eyes. I can't wait for my IPs to have this.

Once the Sunshine rose it was go time. I had to get them in their swim suits, pack exactly 1,013 snacks and a fully charged Kindle for our morning. I also grabbed my suit, a change of clothes and my bag of meds. We had a busy day planned.

I got to the clinic just in time for our appointment. Luckily the Hubs got there early and signed us in. Have I mentioned how freaking awesome he is for going through all this with me by the way? People are super supportive and commend me for all this good stuff, but seriously he's the unsung hero. He's taking care of kids and giving blood and urine to people all over town. It's pretty romantic.

Anyway we got the kids set up with 345 of the snacks I brought while Hubs and I got our blood drawn. It was good for Sweet Pea to see us get it done with no tears because she's had her own blood draws lately that have left her with a severe case of White Coat Terrification Syndrome. After our quick vampire bites Hubs got the kids set up with the Kindle and 129 more snacks.

Snacks and Netflix are the secret to my parenting success. Go ahead. Judge. It's ok I'll wait.

Ok done judging? Great.

Then it was time to get back in the saddle.

Side note: I need a pedicure with all these feet pictures. 

The doc told me we'd be doing something called a mock transfer today. So basically this was the dress rehearsal for the ACTUAL TRANSFER!!! I was so excited. It was wicked awesome to see how it's going to be done. She just got the good ol' speculum out and put a catheter in there to see if my cervix and what not was laid out like the Labyrinth. Luckily David Bowie didn't show up, and it looks like the babe will be safe inside.

They have a monitor on the ceiling so you can look up and see all your lady parts on the big screen. She shot some saline in there to see if I had any gremlins or trolls or whatever living in my uterus collecting trinkets and wishes, but it was all clear.

Once again I was told I have a beautiful uterus and the mock transfer went swimmingly. She said it was very easy to get in and out of there, which I don't know how to take. Either she's saying I have super well-organized lady parts or it's like throwing a hotdog down a hallway. Who knows. But in either case it looks like everything is still a GO!! Wahoo!

I got back in my swim suit and rushed over to Sea World for our final swimming lessons this week. If I can just take a moment to totally brag on my kids. Sunshine conquered her fears and put her head all the way under the water, and Sweet Pea was a swimming machine today! She really gave it her all for test day. Very proud momma over here.

Their courage may have helped a little for the next part of my afternoon. Since it was 11:30 and my next procedure was at 1:30, it was cocktail hour.

As I mentioned before I had to get an HSG test done, which is to basically go in there and shoot dye into my lady straws to see if they're blocked or inflamed or tied up like balloon animals. I was a bit nervous...ok a lot nervous about this because I heard some pretty scurry stories from my fellow IVF mommas.

Since I'm allergic to shellfish and they're using iodine they wanted to be extra cautious and gave me a steroid, Benadryl, an antibiotic and some other anti-allergy med thing. Tagamet I think? Anyway I chugged them all in the middle of Aquatica with some very suspicious moms eyeing me. Don't judge ladies, I'm just doing drugs in the Sea World bathroom ok? Mind your beeswax.

I was told initially that the HSG was an extreme pelvic exam. Smear 2.0 was the name given by my good buddy I'll just refer to as Jersey. She had to undergo the same procedure while trying to conceive her twins. At the time they were dealing with a host of infertility hurdles, and she said she just cried silent tears from beginning to the end of the procedure.

So I was less than psyched to get this portion of the program going.

Jersey offered to watch the girls for me while I went to get Smear 2.0, and she talked me off the ledge by explaining that her tears probably came from a place of emotional despair rather than physical pain. Since I've already got two healthy little munchkins I think the emotional piece of the puzzle was removed.

I felt confident as I rolled up to this swanky building with super comfy couches and some really relaxing soft lighting. It was more like a hotel lobby than a waiting room.

They led me back to the room, and gave me the most beautiful gown and non-skid socks. I'm not sure if you're supposed to leave the socks, but I took those mothers home. They were wicked comfy.

Anyway, Carlos was my tech and he had the most gentle soothing voice. Even when he said cramping and bleeding I was just like yeah....yeah man that sounds

I got dressed and hopped up on the table, which for the record does not have stirrups? I don't know how they expect a girl to assume the position for this kind of thing without proper foot support, but whatevs. As Carlos went to get the doc I checked out the instruments of torture. A lovely bowl of iodine stew and a crazy long catheter thingy were chillin' on the little tray just waiting to get all up in it.

My nerves came back for a sec.

Then in came the doc. She suited up and really got down to biznass. I told her my apprehensions and how my friends told me this would be no picnic. She was like aww nah you'll be good doo be doo BAM!!!!

That "woman" convinced me of two things today. 1. I never want to see another speculum in my life. and 2. She clearly doesn't not have a vagina of her own. For if she did she'd have taken more care when she rammed that thing into me like it was her JOB.

I let out a huge YOWZA! And she's like oh hold on CLICK CLICK REEEE CLICCCCCCCCCKKKK. Opened that thing up like she was going spelunking in my netherbits!

I'm doing my best to put on a brave face, and I guess I was saying some funny stuff because mild-mannered Carlos is just over by my shoulder giggling.

I just kept being like Yeah I'm trying to relax but DAMN WOMAN! So she turns to get the catheter and when she comes back Dr. RamRod is like "Oh shiz, I lost your cervix."

Umm. WTF.

Luckily she'd only misplaced it and it was just moved to the left a bit. Don't ask me the science behind that. Dr. B at the fertility clinic had no trouble finding my cervix, but that's probably because she's actually handled a vagina or two in her day and knows how to treat a lady with a speculum. I'm basically convinced my cervix ran for its life.

So Dr. RamRod was just like "Well shit let's ram this in there again and start over."

BAAMMM! She punched that sucker in again and CLICK CLIIICCCCKKKK RAAAATCCCHHHEEETT opened me up like the caverns. At this point I was really bracing myself for the dye part. I heard that's the worst. And it was clear that RamRod was NOT interested in being gentle.

But somehow the catheter and dye was the easy part. She got it in there and Carlos scooted me up on the table to take the x-rays. RamRod told me to put my legs down or whatever made me comfortable.

Oh yes. I was at the epitome of comfort. This was a regular day at the spa.

I watched as my lady bits came on the screen and she commended the lovely job my contractor did on my innards. Once again the words beautiful and perfect were used so I got pretty cocky about my junk.

Carlos asked how long I'd been trying to have babies, and I just smiled. This was the first time I'd really got to say it.

"I'm actually going to be a surrogate."

He smiled so big and said in his very calm Carlos voice, "Wow that's really cool. Good luck with everything."

RamRod pulled out and dusted herself off. Told me everything looked fab and we'd have the official results by Monday.

Carlos helped me off the table and I got my clothes back on. After it was all said and done I didn't even have cramping? The mock transfer actually gave me more cramps than my HSG, so I think I got off pretty lucky.

I'm dying to friend my IPs on Facebook to tell them everything went well, but I saw a note on my chart that said they'd be calling the IM to let her know. So I'll hold off.

I think now we just wait on contracts and our psych evaluations Monday, which is great because my lady parts would love some time off.

It's all becoming real!!! I think we'll start talking about transfer dates soon, and I. CAN'T. WAIT!!!!

Stay tuned for the next chapter of this very exciting journey.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Cocktail Hour

Holy cow it's real!! I finished my initial consult on Friday and I'm already scheduled this Friday for blood work and an ultrasound and a procedure that one of my amazingly ivf experienced friends described as "shooting dyes in your lady straws". 

Doctors like to call it an hsg test. I have to get a special one done since I have issues with shellfish. I'm guessing there is iodine involved because they want me to take a cocktail of Benadryl and steroids so I don't blow up.  I've never had an issue with iodine topically so I can't imagine I'd have a reaction. But they'll take no chances. 

I also picked up my birth control and prenatals last night!!

I've never been this jazzed to be on birth control before. But every step is one step closer to the transfer!

We also started contracts this week, so I guess once we get those settled it'll be on like donkey kong. 

Some folks have asked if I get compensated for all this. The answer is yes. But if you think ANYONE could do this for the money you'd be sadly mistaken. I think the compensation is more for the time you're spending with screenings and blood tests and dr appointments and vaginal ultrasounds. Yeah. 


 Like wand in the hoo hah. 

Ok so put a price on that. Exactly. This most certainly must come from an altruistic place. 

The last part of our initial screening is our psych evaluation Monday. Hubs and I might make a date night of it. We get a few hours of digging in our brains to see if we're nuts. 

I'm convinced every human being is a bit zonkers. So I'm guessing it's more like what degree of crazy are you. As long as you're silly crazy and not dark creepy crazy I guess it's fine? 

I've got a good feeling about everything. One of my good friends from high school who has struggled with pregnancy for years messaged me on Facebook last night to tell me she just confirmed an early pregnancy! I'm overjoyed for her!!!!

She's part of the reason I decided to try surrogacy. She's so deserving of a baby and she's had to struggle and go through so much loss. I'm just crossing my Fallopian tubes for her!! 

I just think it's a great sign that there is baby dust in the air. 

Welp wish us luck!! This is really happening!!! I'm pumped!

Friday, June 6, 2014

Back in the saddle

I had my first appointment with RMA today and it went great! The doc was so warm and friendly. I'm super excited to work with her. 

She walked me through what IVF entails and the basic timeline and procedures. Thank goodness Hubs came to help wrangle the girls. They were kind of bonkers, but since these people are in the business of making gremlins for people who desperately want them they all acted completely charmed by my crazy monsters. 

Once the chatting portion of the program was over it was time for the physical exam and ultrasound. I grabbed the sexy gown and took a deep breath. 

It's the first time since we started this whole thing that I got a little nervous and it really seemed real. Even meeting the IPs wasn't quite the same because they could've thought I was a total weirdo and called it off. 

But this. This was real. As I sat in my super stylish gown waiting for the doc, the ultrasound machine sat with its grainy black and white grin. I never thought I'd get another chance to be here again. I've never wavered in my thoughts of having only two children. But the reality of having another pregnancy just brings a huge smile to my face. 

It's good to be back in the umm stirrups

The physical exam was quick and painless and as the black and white grains swirled and morphed I heard the doctor say "beautiful! oh the uterus is just beautiful."

Not really sure what to say to that compliment except "Yay!?!" Or "thank you. The previous tenants seemed to enjoy it."

Either way we all got a good look at my goods and they are marvelous!

Apparently now we move on to psych evaluations and contracts. Blah tee blah.

All I know is I have the overwhelming urge to Facebook stalk my IPs and squeal "your baby's womb is weady!!!!"

Since I have a smidgeon of self respect I'll wait and go through all the formalities. But I'm just excited to get the show on the road! 

I'm pretty sure once we get the formalities done I'll get my calendar, so stay tuned. This baby train is about to leave the station!