Monday, November 16, 2015

Giving Thanks

Time for a quick update! I'm about 24 and a half ish weeks now, which means two things. One: I'm still convincing myself that I'm in the honeymoon phase of pregnancy. I feel pretty good and I'm going to stick to feeling that way until at least 30 weeks. Got it?? And Two: Little Nugget is officially viable. Well I mean it's been viable-ish all along, but the cool thing about this week of pregnancy is that there are children walking around today who were born at 24 weeks and survived. So Nugget is starting to gain his independence from me, and that just puts him that much closer to his Mama and Daddy!

Ok so I am still feeling good, but truth be told my hips are starting to get a little creaky, and I started having a bit of trouble breathing after I eat a huge meal. So basically it just means I've gone back on a bit of a health kick. I got back to the gym and started yoga, and I can't hork down Arby's anymore either. Get your judgment out of here. I only had a few weeks of it. I regret NOTHING.

So it's back to small healthy little protein snacks and some serious yoga moves. I also paid the chiropractor a visit to get my chakras aligned or something. He found that I had two ribs out of place, and once he jacked them back in I could breathe again! Huzzah!

In other news I have grown insane and started a Girl Scout troop. I'm bound and determined to indoctrinate these little ladies and turn them into badass little do-gooders. I also got super overzealous and started training for cookie season. Yes there's training. And no, I had no idea how hard core Girl Scout cookies were!

Funny thing is that cookie season will be wrapping up in early March, which is right around the time I'm supposed to bring life into this world. That should be an interesting time. If anyone feels super charitable you can go ahead and start writing down your cookie orders now. Sunshine can officially take orders January 1st. I'm just saying... I mean whatever. It's for the children.

So thankfully it's been pretty quiet around my uterus. I finally nailed down my doula as well! There's a fellow surro here who is going to doula for us, so I'm really excited. Only thing is she has some prior commitments in the general range of my delivery, so I hope baby cooperates and gets here on a day she's in town. If not we can probably just wing it. This is my third rodeo after all.

Our next appointment isn't until December, and then we start the two week visits! I can't believe we're approaching the home stretch! I swear once that first trimester ends it's just a whirlwind until bebe arrives.

I have had a lot of questions from people lately about me "bonding" with Nugget. Well physically yeah we're pretty bonded. Like when the Nugget rolls over I definitely feel it in the bladder. And I'm feeling love for what this little monkey will bring to his or her family. This is actually my first pregnancy that I can't wait until delivery day. Seriously I get misty just thinking about the moment Baby Mama holds her sweet Nugget for the first time. I just can't even.

But as far as bonding as if it's mine...nope. I can say with 100 percent certainty it's nothing like the bond I had with my own babies. I seriously think that bond begins in your heart, not in your uterus. Sometimes I straight forget I'm pregnant because my thoughts are not consumed with bassinets, and travel systems and onesies and diapers and pediatricians and all the mess that comes along with a new bub. Nope my thoughts are totally focused on Girl Scouts and gymnastics and PTA and all the things my own children are involved in.

I've also noticed that I'm much more relaxed with this pregnancy. I was so spastic with my own pregnancies that I was calling the doctor over every twinge and ache. I think I just wanted an excuse for another ultrasound. I was obsessed with seeing my baby. I think because this one isn't mine I'm just not as curious. I feel protective of it of course. Like I don't go boozing around town and hitting the zipline. But I bet this baby will be so chill because it's got all kinds of endorphins flowing to it. I'm just so happy and content with my little family, and I don't have any of the anxieties that come with the arrival of a newborn. It's kind of liberating.

It also makes this my perfect pregnancy swan song. With Sweet Pea I was happy (OK SHOCKED) to be expecting because we always said we wanted 2 kids. But I truthfully wasn't ready to be pregnant again. I loved pregnancy so much that I wasn't ready to have my last pregnancy come so soon. I was so focused on soaking up every last moment of those rolling movements in my belly that I had a constant feeling of bittersweet anticipation. This pregnancy has been such great closure. I can enjoy the rolls and pokes that the baby sends, but it's not as magical as it was when it was my keeper. It gives me a chance to experience the magic and wonder of pregnancy that I love without the emotional need to soak it in. I guess with my own babies I just felt like I wanted to remember those wonderful moments forever. And with this one I'm just so focused on the end game. I can still appreciate how cool it is to have a living human in my body, but it's such a lovely act of closure and a perfect uterine retirement party.

I actually think about my friends who just aren't sure they're done having kids. In reality they want to be done because the number of kids they have is enough. But at the same time it's hard to gain closure that you'll never do this amazing thing with your body again. I can't even tell you how lucky I feel to have been able to be a surrogate. It's the absolute perfect way to retire your lady bits. (although my fellow surro sisters claim that after I birth this one I won't be able to resist a sibling journey should my Baby Mama and Baby Daddy ask)

But so far so good. I'm loving the pregnancy, and things have gone well. So I'm very thankful for that. It's strange to think that this time last year I was frantically peeing on sticks with anticipation.

And as Thanksgiving approaches I just have so much to be thankful for this year. I'm thankful for my own little family. I'm thankful that things worked out and I have made it to 24 weeks with the little nugget.  It's just very exciting to be where we are now, considering where we were this time last year.

And for that I'm so freaking thankful. 

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