Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Another Milestone

It's been almost a week since we got our positive beta and I'm still smiling. I can't tell you how touched I was that Baby Mama offered to guest blog the announcement. I'm still so giddy for them.


However over the weekend I was secretly getting nervous. I continued to pee on sticks after we got the positive beta because I really needed to see that line darken. Truth be told I was a little disappointed in a beta of 38. There's no rational reason for my disappointment. I knew it would be positive, and 38 is a perfectly respectable number. The norm is anything from 5 to 426. That's a pretty broad range, and 38 is perfectly fine. Anything over 5 is positive for pregnancy. Still...I just figured our numbers would be higher.


I didn't want to worry Baby Mama or Baby Daddy because there was nothing to worry them about. The first number actually doesn't mean much except that the pregnancy test is positive. The real tell-tale sign would be our second beta. The HCG levels need to basically double every two days. So Monday's blood tests would really tell us how deep that embie was snuggled in. We needed to see around 105 in order to believe the pregnancy was viable. No pressure.


Everything was fine over the weekend, except that the stupid line didn't darken. It didn't get lighter either, but it wasn't at its darkest and I couldn't figure out what the heck. My transfer twin (not sure if I've mentioned her. She transferred in California on the exact same day I did at the EXACT same time. Weird.) So she mentioned that I might be diluting the test because I was holding it in the pee pee too long. Umm yeah I was holding it in a good 15 seconds. The max you should do is 5. So the next morning I did a quick 3 second dip and waited....


UGH...still not darker. I tried not to actually worry. I just got a little irritated. So that afternoon at Sea World I smuggled a First Response test into the park and peed on it in the bathroom. This was a mid day pee right after drinking a ton of water at lunch, so not the most concentrated. But as I peeked in my purse at the Beluga show...


BAM! That puppy was DARK.


I relaxed a little knowing my repeat beta was the next morning. It would only be about 24 more hours of waiting.


The next morning on the way to take the kids to the dentist I called the clinic here to make sure I was good to come in at 9:30. Well I wasn't. They never got my orders from the Cali clinic! And the Cali clinic wouldn't open for another two and a half hours. UGH


I kept calling the clinic and emailing on the chance that they'd get back to me, and around 10 a.m. I got an idea...


I had a copy of my orders from last week in my email. I'm not saying I did, but I MIGHT have doctored that baby in photoshop to show a new date. It was the same dang test that we were supposed to do. I was just saving the Cali clinic some trouble, right?


I emailed the orders over to the clinic here and they called and said I had 20 minutes to make it to the office. I live a good half hour a way in good traffic, and yet I somehow loaded the kids in the car and made it in 25 minutes without speeding or running any red lights!


When the nurse took my blood she explained that because it was so late in the morning we wouldn't get results until around 4. uuuggghhhh again.


I busied myself the rest of the day with about a hundred (ok 4) neighborhood kids at the house. We baked cookies and played in the play room, and I was just about to email the clinic here to see if they'd faxed the results when I got a call from California.


They got the results back and I was on edge until she told me that our numbers came back at 147! That was definitely higher than they had to be,  but not ridiculously high to signify a problem! They were absolutely perfect in my book! I'm so proud of little Embie for getting nice and cozy in there.


Our next big milestone is on Dec. 8. The ultrasound. I'll be a little over 6 weeks at that point, so we're hoping to actually detect a heartbeat!! That's one of the most reassuring and exciting parts of this journey, so I'm very excited about it. I've decided not to be nervous about this one. I know even if we don't see a heartbeat at that ultrasound it doesn't mean anything. Embie could just be taking his or her time, and that's just fine with me. But on the off chance that Embie is on track...his or her mama will get to hear the sweetest sound there is. Once you get a heartbeat at 6 weeks the risk of miscarriage goes way down. At 8 weeks your chances go even lower, and at 13 weeks they really plummet. Still..you're not out of the woods until...well you're really never out of the woods. Pregnancy, childbirth, childhood, adolescence and even adulthood is ALL so delicate.


It's all life, and as we all know life is very fragile. All you can do is celebrate every victory. I'm convinced that's why we celebrate birthdays. It's another milestone each year to remind us how lucky we are to be here. And that's what each pregnancy milestone is. It's a celebration. No matter what happens I will keep celebrating the positive!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Dear Embie

Tonight's guest blog comes to you courtesy of the famous Baby Mama:

Dear Embie,

Today is "T-day”+ 10 and everything has slammed to a crawl.  

The past 10 days have actually gone by quite fast, considering.  As you might imagine, I’ve been doing everything in my power to stay busy. I’ve cooked more in the last week than I probably have all year (to the point that I’ve broken my crockpot).  The house is spotless (except for the ceiling fans which I’m tackling today soon).  The dogs are WELL exercised and fed (I made them homemade dog treats) and I’ve even started the now famous Gilmore marathon on Netflix on Crystal’s recommendation. All to keep the “what ifs” at bay. 

But they still sneak up on me.  During my morning coffee.  Whenever I see a baby in the grocery store.  Right before I fall asleep.  Oh, and in the shower.  I’ve had some really good crying jags in the shower.  

It’s been hard to know whether to cry tears of joy or sorrow.  I am, of course, overcome with joy that we’ve come so far.  Knowing that you’ve been snuggling up in Crystal’s “fluffy” uterus has taken the stressful weight of almost two years of ups and downs to get to this point off of my shoulders.  You’re safe in there - and it’s all up to God and nature now.  But we still have milestones to hit, Embie, and I vacillate between wanting to be the crazy-excited-momma-to-be and the gotta-keep-my-head-on-my-shoulders realist that I am.  And so I cry for the “what if” that I just don’t want to think about, but need to, just to prepare myself. 

Today, there just doesn’t seem to be enough to distract “Daddy" and I from the impending phone call.  It’s dreary and raining and he doesn’t feel good, and apparently I've run out of ways to “nest”, so we’re shuffling around the house, trying to squeeze by the huge elephant in the room that’s taking up all of our space and oxygen.  I’m getting desperate, I'll admit it.  I’ve read and re-read all of Crystal’s texts (and lack of in the last few days), and triple analyzed them.  It’s getting me nowhere, other than I know she knows. But we wanted “official” so...

The only thing left to do is bug the clinic for the results, and I don’t even have my normal gumption to do that.  Thank God for Crystal.  She’s picked up on my desperation and is calling and emailing and doing the bugging for all of us, even while tending to her own sick child.  How did we ever luck into her? She’s a blessing, let me tell you.  I hope you can sense that - that you’re being cared for by a generous, talented, and crazy funny girl.  That you’re being surrounded by a loving family that is sharing her unselfishly with us and pulling for you. 

She’s even telling our story.  I tried early on not to read her blog; it felt intrusive and I think I was afraid of what I might learn. But she’s capturing it all in a truthful and fun(ny) way, and I’m glad I’m seeing it from her side.  It’s definitely helped me get to know her and her family better, and she’s brought us to tears a few times too - usually when she’s describing the love story that has brought us all here and her own personal reasons for wanting to help.  And here’s the really interesting thing about it: there’s this whole group of people reading along with us and offering their support and wishes.  A whole group of people that we don’t know, who are pulling for all of us.  It’s really quite touching, especially now!

You see, for the most part, we’re keeping you and this journey under wraps on our side for now. There are a lot of reasons why, but mostly because of the roller coaster ride of uncertainty.  But it’s comforting to know that it’s being documented by someone who cares, and that a wave of prayers are behind you.  

The phone is ringing and I know this is it.  I answer, put it on speaker, and walk out to be with Daddy.  He mouths “I love you, no matter what.” We hug, and she’s talking and I’m shaking and all I hear is….

“wah wah wah, positive, wah, wah wah”

I’m pretty sure we didn’t even say goodbye.  Just tears and hugs, and giggling, and tears, and smiles, and a whole lot of I love you’s, and more tears. 


It’s later now, and I’m writing you this letter for Crystal’s blog.  I wanted to share our big day with the people who have been following our story through her (especially since she would have told them anyway!), and let them know how much it means to us.  We won’t be telling your family about you until we see them all for the holidays, so it feels a little like cheating… but I’m pretty sure that our beautiful secret is safe for now. 

No matter how crazy happy we are now, we also know that we’ve just entered a brand new set of woods. So here’s the last thing I want to tell you.  Keep fighting baby.  It’s in your DNA, so I know you can do it. We’ll be praying for you out here.

Love,
Mama

What are we waiting for?

I did my bloodwork early this morning to ensure that we got our results at a reasonable hour. No sense dragging this out. Let's get this show on the road.



My appointment was at 8:15, but I didn't go back until 9:30. While I was waiting I called Sweet Pea's doctor because she's been in a weird barfing pattern. I spent from 4:30 this morning until 6 catching barf in wash cloths and hand towels every 5 minutes. This seems to happen every week and then she's fine for a week. Something's got to give. While I was waiting to be called back, her doctor called and said she'd scheduled Sweet Pea for a CT scan.


Gulp.


My heart fell in my stomach a little. But the doc assured me it was just to rule out anything major. I was hardly aware when they took my blood.
 

I finished my blood work and took Sweet Pea home for a cuddle. I knew the beta wouldn't be back for a few hours, and the CT scan wasn't until the afternoon. So I was happy to let Daniel Tiger distract me while we waited. I took advantage of the fact that she wanted to be in my lap, and I rested. And waited.


It was time for the CT scan so I drove back to the medical district just across the street from where I'd given blood this morning. Why hadn't they called? Well anyway I'd send them a note once I got checked into radiology.


Sweet Pea was a champion with the CT. I told her she was there for a photo shoot, and the radiologist laughed when she was making faces in the "big donut" because she thought she was on camera. While I waited outside for the scan, (precautions in case there's a baby on board), Baby Mama texted. I told her about Sweet Pea and teased that this is what she was signing up for. Motherhood is just a constant state of worry. But there must be a reason people keep signing up!


We finished with radiology, and I wanted to head to the new In N Out Burger for lunch. Sweet Pea fell asleep on the way, and when I got there the line was so long there were police directing traffic. I was so sick of waiting. I opted for some bean and cheese tacos while I waited for word from the clinic.


It was a lot of waiting for me today, and for Baby Mama. We did get our results, but for those...you'll have to wait.


I have a very special guest blogger tomorrow. Just you wait.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Morning sickness

Ugh I was so sick this morning. Noooo not like that. More like my snot nosed kid sneezed in my face all night and now my throat is killing me. 

This is the portion of our program where I discover all the stuff I forgot are forbidden during pregnancy. I emailed the clinic for suggestions but they were out. Baby Mama suggested lemon and honey.  And as disgusting as that sounded it was actually effective. It wasn't until after I downed the concoction that the clinic emailed back suggesting peppermint tea. A bit more palatable than hot water with honey and lemon. But both are working equally well.  

I took Sweet Pea to the dr. and they determined it was viral. So that's good news. No strep or flu to contend with. 

And...Today is our transfer-versary! It's been exactly one week since our transfer!! It's been both the longest and shortest week ever. 

Just 3 more days until our blood hcg test! I need to stay busy and I know it'll be here before I know it!! 

Until then I'll just keep telling that baby to get snugly! 

Friday, November 14, 2014

Pee Thirty

Someone got a positive pregnancy test!! 😝

No not me!! I'm not divulging any results positive or negative until next Thursday. But my cousin...the one who has struggled with infertility for almost ten years...got a positive beta this week! 

Her first round of IUI didn't take, and we were all bummed. But she brushed herself off and got back on that horse, and she's officially pregnant! I'm so happy for her!! She is a very deserving mother. This has been a long time coming. 

As for me, I'm just trying to stay distracted. I think the key is to just stay out of the house so those pee sticks don't beckon me. 

I have plenty to do with my kids' social calendars (thanks three bday parties this weekend). Plus I just realized my book signing is on Tuesday! Ack! Not sure how that snuck up. But il so excited to reunite with my fabulous former editor. 

It is funny I'm hosting a wine and cheese night, when I can neither partake in the wine nor the soft cheese. But I'm a good time sober. So no big.

That's about all I can say for now. As much as I want to beg Baby Mama to come stay with me and obsess over pee sticks I totally respect that she wants to wait. She and I are in different frames of mind. Testing and getting a negative would stress her out. Whereas not being able to test would stress me out. So I'll do my thing! 

Even if I don't get a single positive all week I know I could go in Thursday and get a positive blood test. I'm just looking for good news early. 

I should've just welcomed Baby Mama to parenthood. From this day forward she'll agonize about her child. It starts with the pregnancy tests and as far as I know the worrying never ends. You just have to hold out hope for the best! 😄 a cheerful thought I know. But it's only that way because the potential joy that children bring is equally as intense. 

Well I'm super happy to be home, and I hope to be distracted for the next six days. Maybe I'll start a new Netflix series. I finished the series finale of Gilmore Girls the night of the transfer. So I'm taking suggestions! 

Come on folks. Distract a girl. Those little pee sticks are too damn sexy. The temptation is strong. 

Monday, November 10, 2014

T Day

I remember where I was when I really really decided to become a surrogate. I've toyed with the idea since I was pregnant with Sunshine, but the day I really decided to actually act on this dream I was lying in bed next to Sweet Pea. I'd just put her down for a nap, and it was the first time she didn't nurse to sleep in all her little life. It was such an emotional moment, and I was filled with an overwhelming sense of elation and purpose.

That's kind of how I felt as I boarded the plane Saturday morning. Mom drove me to the airport so Hubs didn't have to wake the girls. I needed to be there at 6 a.m. and I'd slept surprisingly well the night before despite my excitement. I felt a sense of peace and calm. This is what we've been waiting for all these long months. Through the uncertainty over the little embie and the bloodwork and ultrasounds and contracts and progesterone shots. All of this time seemed to drag on and all of a sudden I found myself on a plane to California. 


We'd had some drama last weekend with Sweet Pea's sickness, so I was just glad that I wasn't showing any signs of the flu. The flu could destroy all our plans. Lots of things could. But at that moment my biggest worry was a fever.

I enjoyed a nice leisurely stroll through the airport and waited in line for an entire lifetime at Starbucks for one last cup of caffeine. The flight was fantastically relaxing, and although I already missed my sweet girls it was quite the treat to only have to worry about finding a seat for and entertaining one person on this flight.

I got some work done on the plane, and I wrote a letter to Baby Mama and Baby Daddy thanking them for letting me be a part of their journey. I don't know if it was the hormones or the early hour, but there I sat bawling on the plane typing a letter with the tiny Filipino lady next to me looking a little worried.

However the plane touched down and I got to my hotel lickety split. I definitely regret getting a rental car because the airport is maybe a 15 minute drive. A cab would have been cheaper, and I had no idea the valet fees would be so rough. Plus everything I could possibly want is within walking distance.

The hotel is GRAND, and I feel like I hit the jackpot. It's got character and charm that you can't get at a Best Western. 

I checked into my room at 9:30 in the morning local time, but I was already hungry for lunch. Luckily I found a delightful little bar that was open and serving hot wings. I had such a craving for wings it was unreal! And this place delivered. I opted for bleu cheese, since it's verboden in pregnancy. Livin' it up folks.

I probably walked 20 miles that first day. I strolled around at my own pace. I went shopping. I booked a pedicure, and I found this amazing hippie grocery store called Jimbo's. They have a juice bar, and I found a pineapple smoothie that I've vowed to drink every day until I leave.

You see there are many rituals and superstitions in the surrogate community. Some of which are silly, all of which I am treating as if they are based on completely accurate scientific data. One such ritual is eating pineapple, which actually does have some scientific evidence backing it. Another is the green pedicure.

The woman doing my toes was a little confused at my color choice, but there are surros out there who swear by the lucky green pedicure, so I now have toes de verde.

Some of you have also seen my lucky green transfer shirt that I made. 

 I'm not sure why green seems to be a lucky color for surrogacy. Maybe the Irish are very involved, or maybe it's just a very fertile color. Either way I'm sticking with it as well as my lovely green flip flops.

While I was shopping I picked up some little turtle earrings since my Baby Mama has a thing for turtles. I'd already gotten them a few little thank you gifts, but I wanted some sort of momento that represented them to wear for the transfer.

With all my good juju set, I just enjoyed my time bumming around the city, and once I was walked out from my 10K I headed back to the hotel and spent the rest of the evening streaming Gilmore Girls on Netflix and eating popcorn and an entire jar of pickles. I added three Brazil nuts in there too, since Brazil nuts are good for sticky uteri. I hate nuts, but I am committed to a cause.

Baby Mama and Baby Daddy weren't getting in until late afternoon on Sunday, so I had all day Sunday to see some sights. I found a FABULOUS breakfast place called Perry's, and I sat at the counter like a grizzled old man watching all the delicious food come out of the kitchen. Best seat in the house. It's like a 3-D menu.

After breakfast Baby Mama texted and suggested I check out Old Town, so I did. I spent most of my day wandering in and out of shops. I found a Kokopelli (the god of fertility) shot glass that I had high hopes of using the night before transfer. But the one beer I didn't even finish was more than enough, so it'll just be for Baby Daddy to toast with if we get a positive beta, or to use after his little nugget arrives. He'll need it more than a Baby Bjorn once the kid hits two for sure.

I headed back to the hotel to rest and catch some more Netflix, but there was a giant festival going on in the street right outside my hotel. I sauntered out, and while talking on the phone to my brother I spotted a free Western photo booth. I know no one here, so the risk of embarrassment was zilch. I told my brother I had to let him go because it was time to get my saloon girl on. Yeeehaw!!

They had free museum admission, and the historian was super informative. She even told me that the hotel I was staying in was rumored to be haunted by two friendly ghosts! HUZZAH!

I ran back to the room to get ready for dinner, and right before Baby Parents arrived I realized I hadn't done my injection! I rushed downstairs to get them to warm my heating pad and then hurried upstairs and administered the quickest PIO shot ever. It actually was the least painful as well. I'm sure it was just my endorphins because I was so excited to see the Parental Units.

I ran back downstairs with a heating pad on my butt and Baby Mama was waiting for me in the lobby. We squealed and hugged and set out.

I begged them to take me to a good local dive, and they totally delivered. We went to the little taco shack where they had their first date and had the BEST burritos. They had pork carnitas and fries and guac and cheese and magic inside. It was heavenly.

Then we walked down the street a bit to a little bar for some drinks and laughter. It was a blast. I just love those two. They're ridiculously in love and adorable and fun. We just had the best time. I was on cloud 9 when they dropped me off at the hotel. We agreed to leave at 8:30 the next morning to grab breakfast before...THE TRANSFER.

How did it get here so soon?! It's not soon. These months have been agonizing for me, so I can't imagine how they feel. But then again it was surreal to think that last night was Transfer Eve. I was every bit as excited as Christmas.

The ghost woke me up at 1:26 a.m...which was weird. It was weird that I looked at the clock, but when you're jolted awake in the middle of the night you tend to look at the clock to see what time it is. So I noticed. 1:26 a.m.

I managed to get back to sleep although I will admit I was a little spooked. Then at 5:15 I got a text from the Hubs that Mom inadvertently taught Sunshine how to spell "shit". (apparently when you let a 5-year-old sound out the word SHIRT...)

Since I was up anyway I took my time getting ready and lounging about. Then I walked over to Jimbo's for my pineapple smoothie. Makes the uterus sticky you know!

The Parentals picked me up and took me to yet another fabulous breakfast place for yet another fabulous burrito. They don't realize this, but I'll eat just about anything wrapped in a tortilla. So back to back burrito meals were just dandy.

We took the scenic route to the interstate and they showed me the first house they lived in together. I was just lining my uterus with their love story. As we got closer to the clinic we quieted down a bit. The drive was beautiful, but I think we all knew what a big moment was coming. There were still some factors that could throw the whole thing down the toilet. The biggest one was would Embie survive the thaw? Only 70% of them do, which are just fine odds....unless you're one of the 30%...

We checked into the clinic, and it wasn't long before they called us back. I'd been chugging water like it was my job because a million people told me that I'd need a full bladder for the procedure. However the nurse told me to empty the tank before I dropped trou, so I was just super hydrated. Still not a loss.

We sat in the little shoebox of a room waiting for the embryologist to come in and tell us how and if Embie survived the thaw, and I was just spouting jokes a mile a minute. I'm sure my IPs were like oh my gosh clown can it! But I joke when I'm nervous or when I'm excited. And I was both.

Embryologist came in with a picture that showed that Embie thawed out FANTASTICALLY!! It was hatching and everything, which is marvelous! He said it was perfectly great, so I went to empty my bladder.

Baby Mama and Baby Daddy waited outside the room so I could strip down, which I laughed about because we're hoping for them to be in the room as I shoot a human being out of my netherbits one day. But I suppose it might be a bit early for a strip tease. They started to ask if they should stay in the waiting room while I went back, but I cut them off and told them to get their butts in there. This was their moment. Bare Assed or not they should be there.

They were so cute. They stood at my shoulder while we waited for the doc. I was still cracking jokes, which is surprisingly easy to do wearing just a sheet. I continued cracking jokes after the doctor came in and told me to spread 'em. I just wanted everyone to feel as comfortable as possible while I was sans pants with a tiny Asian lady elbow deep in my lady parts.

She did the speculum then the ultrasound wand (which is less magical than it sounds) to make sure my uterus was still there. It was and she noticed it was tilted. This wasn't news to me, and she said it has no bearing on my child cooking skills, so she proceeded to let the nurse know that we were ready for little Embie.

A petri dish appeared on the tv monitor and they verified Baby Mama's  name. Then they zoomed in and we saw little Embie getting sucked into the tube of destiny. The doc communicated back and forth step by step with the embryo guy, Bill, and it was very precisely timed. She inserted the catheter, and shortly thereafter Bill came in with a tube full of baby.

It was over in seconds. I didn't even know they'd started yet. I hope Baby Mama and Baby Daddy saw it happen because I blinked. She froze the screen to show us where the catheter let Junior off inside "the pool" aka my uterus. And I just had the strangest surreal feeling. I know there was no actual physical way I could FEEL this embryo, but it was like this wave of emotion washed over me. I was now responsible for this little cluster of possibility. I teared up....then I said something inappropriate and funny to keep myself from crying. 

I texted Mom a few minutes later to let her know the good news. She said it was 1:28 pm Texas time. 1:28. She noticed the time. 

I laid on the table for I guess about 20 minutes with nurses and doctors coming in and out chatting it up. Everyone was so nice. The doc was super supportive of my superstitions and told me to have some sticky rice since she's Chinese. Done.

Baby Mama and Baby Daddy stepped out so I could get dressed and I hope to just hold each other and savor the moment. I cracked jokes the entire time the doctor was in there, but I knew if I stopped talking I'd cry. This is just so huge. Come what may this moment is really really big for them. And I'm just so honored to be a part of it. 

It's all do delicate. There are so many what ifs. But I will celebrate every victory on this journey. Embie survived the thaw. That's a victory. Embie made it in my uterus. Victory. 

We drove around a bit more, and Baby Daddy stopped to get me fries from Mickey D's because again...surrogacy rules and regulations. Then they dropped me off at the hotel to rest before dinner.

It was nice to sit in the quiet. I'm sure they felt the same since I'm such a motor mouth. But I just laid in bed with my hand over my belly just sending sweet loving vibes to the little life trying to take hold. 

Dinner was absolutely perfect. They took me to a very fancy pants place with awesome tacos. And it was just perfect. 

As they dropped me off at my hotel they got out to say our goodbyes. I won't see them again until...I don't know. If the beta goes well on the 20th then well have an ultrasound. So I'll tentatively plan on that. I hugged Baby Mama tight, but I had to let go because the tears welled up. Baby Daddy thanked me. They both did and I thanked them. Either these hormones are a mess or we just did something really major. 

I just wanted to update everyone and thank you for all your support. This couple has no idea how many people are throwing baby dust and sticky thoughts their way and I'm so grateful to all of you.

Baby Mama doesn't want any news until our beta on the 20th, but I'm a pee stick addict. So I will start testing on Friday! Out of respect for her I won't post ONE SINGLE IOTA OF EVIDENCE on the blog until she knows for sure one way or the other. But just send some good vibes my way!

And stay tuned! The eagle has landed. 

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Karma Coated Tuesdays

First I'd like to welcome all our friends joining us from Scary Mommy! My post about surrogacy has brought a flurry of new readers and I couldn't be happier. Mamamia contacted me and wants to publish the post as well! We're spreading the surro word for sure this week!

Now for the evening news...

My butt is sore. 

Just as I sassily post about stopping Lupron injections and how normal I feel I began my PIO shots. Progesterone In Oil, I'm convinced, is a serum made from sesame oil and ninjas. I did my first injection last night, and it actually went quite well.


The needle is quite intimidating no doubt. First there's the one you use to draw up the oil.


Then there's the slightly smaller gauge needle that you jab into your butt. It made those Lupron needles look like an angel kiss.


I watched about a hundred YouTube videos, some of which were quite helpful. Very matter of fact women assuring me that this won't hurt a bit. Then there's the one I watched where the girl all but called an ambulance for the pain.




After my needle was locked and loaded I put it under my boob as instructed to warm it while simultaneously icing my hind quarters with a cold fruit cup. Surrogacy is nothing if not glamorous and dignified.


I also decided to go ahead and down my cocktail of meds in pill form while I was waiting for things to heat up and cool down.


I thought lying on the bed was my best bet in case my knees got shaky. Plus it takes the tension off my butt muscle. I didn't even ask Hubs for his help this time, because come Saturday I've got to do this on my own anyway. No time like the present to learn. I laid down and took some deep breaths as I slowly inserted the GIANT needle into my haunches. Luckily the dog was right there to supervise. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I had privacy.


It honestly wasn't so bad getting the needle in. The tricky part was injecting the thick solution of oiled up ninjas. It's so thick that it takes a good minute or two to fully get it out of the syringe. It was taking so long I took a break to snap a picture of this giant needle sticking out of my butt. It cracked me up. If you don't laugh you'll cry kind of situation.



I had my hot rag ready for the rub down once the needle was out, and again...if I'd had privacy I wouldn't know what to do. My darling children ran in and begged to take turns massaging my rump with the rag. It's supposed to disperse the oil so that it doesn't form a big lump. So they did that for maybe 5ish minutes, and it was time for bed. I've heard doing the injections at night lets you sleep off any side effects.


So far I felt fine, but I went to bed just in case.


Then ummm I woke up. First thing this morning Hubs kisses me goodbye, and as I go to move my leg I feel the work of the ninjas. They were obviously busy all night with their krav maga training on my butt cheek.


Oh. My. Gosh. It's so sore.


Luckily there's no ugly bruise or itching yet. I've heard that could come soon. But the thought of doing that again every night for the next 10ish weeks is a little intimidating. I think you're supposed to alternate sides, so I guess I'm ok for tonight. But I only have two very flat butt cheeks, so come tomorrow I'm going to have to jab into one of the sore haunches. Yeesh.


Yesterday was a day of Karma. All the things I'd gleefully bragged about escaping thus far have come to pass. The effortless injections for one. But also the hormonal surges.


I'm not exactly bitchzilla yet, but it's more of a tear-filled blubberpuss. Hubs has been saying for a few days that he found me a bit oversensitive, but I blamed that on his penis. That thing plots terribly insensitive things for him to say all the time. I just knew it was the work of his manhood and not my oversensitive emotions.


But yesterday in the recliner my spidey-estrogen senses were tingling. My dear little Sweet Pea caught Influenza A&B, so we spent Sunday in an urgent care center pumping an IV full of fluids in her little body. So come Tuesday she's still on the mend, and just a little pitiful.


She was very sweet and cuddly in her sickly state, and she wanted to climb in mommy's lap and rock. Kid has exquisite taste in music, and requested that I sing her favorite ballad, Wagon Wheel. So as I'm rocking my sweet little love in the recliner, I start "Rock me Doggy like a Wagon Wheel. Rock me Doggy any way you feel. Heeyyyyyyy Doggy rock me."


Oh you're not familiar with that version? The original is fine, but her favorite thing in the world is dogs, so she requested a lyric change. "I not a mama. I a doggy." So as I'm rocking my little doggy singing these ridiculous lyrics I feel the tears start to well up. Normally I'd be trying to hold it together and stifle my chuckling while singing such a ridiculous ballad. However the estrogen took over and before I know it I'm snot crying in the recliner rocking a very confused little puppy.  It is a beautiful song, but come on. Rock me doggy? I'm crying about this? Must be the hormones.


So here we are. November 4. This is the day that I started to go cray cray. I'd like it documented for future reference.


Now for the drama.


I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork Monday, and I should've known something was amiss when they asked when I was headed to Pennsylvania. Ummm I guess when the Phillies start kicking butt? They said it looked like my orders came from Pennsylvania, but I assured them they were from California.


So they took the blood and sent me in for the ultrasound. This is my last one before transfer, so my fallopians were crossed that everything was fine. 
*note my pedicure is Thursday 

My uterus makes her appearance and just dazzles the doctor. "Oh my gosh look. It's just beautiful. It's perfect."


I laughed. "Oh thanks boo. She's been working out." The doc laughed and said my lining was 8.75 and triple striped. It's just the Ritz Carlton as far as she's concerned. She couldn't speak for the Cali clinic, but she said she would be so thrilled to put little Embie in there. My ovaries were nice and quiet as well. All follicles less than ten. My lady bits were being perfect little sweethearts.


I got my britches on and texted Baby Mama with the good news. We'd have to wait for the bloodwork to confirm it, but it looked like everything was a go for transfer. Now I'd just wait to hear from our transfer clinic on the next steps.


So I waited....aaaaaaaannnnnd waited. Finally around 5 our time I emailed them to see if they got the results. A nurse I don't know emailed back and said they hadn't. Then a few minutes later I got a call from her.


"Can you give me a verbal account of what they found?"
"Sure! It looks like 8.75 and triple striped. She was very happy and ovaries were very dull and boring."
"Oh ok that sounds good. Now your doctor isn't here, but I'll need to double check with her. It looks like we'll have to postpone your transfer just a bit."

"What the actual FCK!?"

"Oh well you're supposed to be on Progesterone for a certain amount of time before transfer, so we'll just have to see. Your doctor actually is out of town right now, so I'll just check with the doctor who is here."
"uhm but wha..wait...huh? Is everything ok?"
"Yes it's fine. I'll call you back tonight or email you to confirm."


That's when I wigged a little. Everything was going so well!! The dr. here was so happy with my uterus! I think they might even be dating! I couldn't wrap my mind around what the crap this lady was talking about. I tried to calmly text Baby Mama to give her a heads up, but I might have been a little more fiery than intended because I think she wigged a little too.


So yesterday morning we both started firing emails and phone calls at the two clinics to find out what went wrong. I finally got in touch with the clinic here, and they'd faxed the records to the wrong number. 

Can I just ask who the eff uses fax machines anymore??? Why not email? We can create a human being in a petri dish, but you transposed fax numbers!? WTF


Finally they get the records faxed and I get an email from our regular nurse in Cali who says all is well and to start my PIO shots that night. Baby Mama and I breathe a sigh of relief and all is right with the world once again.


So now I continue my new med schedule, and in just 3 days I will be boarding a plane to California!!!!! I can't believe it's finally here! I'm just ecstatic! I'm going to get my toes done before I leave because there's a laundry list of superstitions that I fully intend to abide by for the success of this transfer.


Wish me luck! We are in the final days until transfer. If everything goes well I will have a little baby on board this time next week. Whether he or she decides to stay is out of my control, but I am ready and rarin' to find out!!