Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Karma Coated Tuesdays

First I'd like to welcome all our friends joining us from Scary Mommy! My post about surrogacy has brought a flurry of new readers and I couldn't be happier. Mamamia contacted me and wants to publish the post as well! We're spreading the surro word for sure this week!

Now for the evening news...

My butt is sore. 

Just as I sassily post about stopping Lupron injections and how normal I feel I began my PIO shots. Progesterone In Oil, I'm convinced, is a serum made from sesame oil and ninjas. I did my first injection last night, and it actually went quite well.


The needle is quite intimidating no doubt. First there's the one you use to draw up the oil.


Then there's the slightly smaller gauge needle that you jab into your butt. It made those Lupron needles look like an angel kiss.


I watched about a hundred YouTube videos, some of which were quite helpful. Very matter of fact women assuring me that this won't hurt a bit. Then there's the one I watched where the girl all but called an ambulance for the pain.




After my needle was locked and loaded I put it under my boob as instructed to warm it while simultaneously icing my hind quarters with a cold fruit cup. Surrogacy is nothing if not glamorous and dignified.


I also decided to go ahead and down my cocktail of meds in pill form while I was waiting for things to heat up and cool down.


I thought lying on the bed was my best bet in case my knees got shaky. Plus it takes the tension off my butt muscle. I didn't even ask Hubs for his help this time, because come Saturday I've got to do this on my own anyway. No time like the present to learn. I laid down and took some deep breaths as I slowly inserted the GIANT needle into my haunches. Luckily the dog was right there to supervise. I'm not sure what I'd have done if I had privacy.


It honestly wasn't so bad getting the needle in. The tricky part was injecting the thick solution of oiled up ninjas. It's so thick that it takes a good minute or two to fully get it out of the syringe. It was taking so long I took a break to snap a picture of this giant needle sticking out of my butt. It cracked me up. If you don't laugh you'll cry kind of situation.



I had my hot rag ready for the rub down once the needle was out, and again...if I'd had privacy I wouldn't know what to do. My darling children ran in and begged to take turns massaging my rump with the rag. It's supposed to disperse the oil so that it doesn't form a big lump. So they did that for maybe 5ish minutes, and it was time for bed. I've heard doing the injections at night lets you sleep off any side effects.


So far I felt fine, but I went to bed just in case.


Then ummm I woke up. First thing this morning Hubs kisses me goodbye, and as I go to move my leg I feel the work of the ninjas. They were obviously busy all night with their krav maga training on my butt cheek.


Oh. My. Gosh. It's so sore.


Luckily there's no ugly bruise or itching yet. I've heard that could come soon. But the thought of doing that again every night for the next 10ish weeks is a little intimidating. I think you're supposed to alternate sides, so I guess I'm ok for tonight. But I only have two very flat butt cheeks, so come tomorrow I'm going to have to jab into one of the sore haunches. Yeesh.


Yesterday was a day of Karma. All the things I'd gleefully bragged about escaping thus far have come to pass. The effortless injections for one. But also the hormonal surges.


I'm not exactly bitchzilla yet, but it's more of a tear-filled blubberpuss. Hubs has been saying for a few days that he found me a bit oversensitive, but I blamed that on his penis. That thing plots terribly insensitive things for him to say all the time. I just knew it was the work of his manhood and not my oversensitive emotions.


But yesterday in the recliner my spidey-estrogen senses were tingling. My dear little Sweet Pea caught Influenza A&B, so we spent Sunday in an urgent care center pumping an IV full of fluids in her little body. So come Tuesday she's still on the mend, and just a little pitiful.


She was very sweet and cuddly in her sickly state, and she wanted to climb in mommy's lap and rock. Kid has exquisite taste in music, and requested that I sing her favorite ballad, Wagon Wheel. So as I'm rocking my sweet little love in the recliner, I start "Rock me Doggy like a Wagon Wheel. Rock me Doggy any way you feel. Heeyyyyyyy Doggy rock me."


Oh you're not familiar with that version? The original is fine, but her favorite thing in the world is dogs, so she requested a lyric change. "I not a mama. I a doggy." So as I'm rocking my little doggy singing these ridiculous lyrics I feel the tears start to well up. Normally I'd be trying to hold it together and stifle my chuckling while singing such a ridiculous ballad. However the estrogen took over and before I know it I'm snot crying in the recliner rocking a very confused little puppy.  It is a beautiful song, but come on. Rock me doggy? I'm crying about this? Must be the hormones.


So here we are. November 4. This is the day that I started to go cray cray. I'd like it documented for future reference.


Now for the drama.


I went in for my ultrasound and bloodwork Monday, and I should've known something was amiss when they asked when I was headed to Pennsylvania. Ummm I guess when the Phillies start kicking butt? They said it looked like my orders came from Pennsylvania, but I assured them they were from California.


So they took the blood and sent me in for the ultrasound. This is my last one before transfer, so my fallopians were crossed that everything was fine. 
*note my pedicure is Thursday 

My uterus makes her appearance and just dazzles the doctor. "Oh my gosh look. It's just beautiful. It's perfect."


I laughed. "Oh thanks boo. She's been working out." The doc laughed and said my lining was 8.75 and triple striped. It's just the Ritz Carlton as far as she's concerned. She couldn't speak for the Cali clinic, but she said she would be so thrilled to put little Embie in there. My ovaries were nice and quiet as well. All follicles less than ten. My lady bits were being perfect little sweethearts.


I got my britches on and texted Baby Mama with the good news. We'd have to wait for the bloodwork to confirm it, but it looked like everything was a go for transfer. Now I'd just wait to hear from our transfer clinic on the next steps.


So I waited....aaaaaaaannnnnd waited. Finally around 5 our time I emailed them to see if they got the results. A nurse I don't know emailed back and said they hadn't. Then a few minutes later I got a call from her.


"Can you give me a verbal account of what they found?"
"Sure! It looks like 8.75 and triple striped. She was very happy and ovaries were very dull and boring."
"Oh ok that sounds good. Now your doctor isn't here, but I'll need to double check with her. It looks like we'll have to postpone your transfer just a bit."

"What the actual FCK!?"

"Oh well you're supposed to be on Progesterone for a certain amount of time before transfer, so we'll just have to see. Your doctor actually is out of town right now, so I'll just check with the doctor who is here."
"uhm but wha..wait...huh? Is everything ok?"
"Yes it's fine. I'll call you back tonight or email you to confirm."


That's when I wigged a little. Everything was going so well!! The dr. here was so happy with my uterus! I think they might even be dating! I couldn't wrap my mind around what the crap this lady was talking about. I tried to calmly text Baby Mama to give her a heads up, but I might have been a little more fiery than intended because I think she wigged a little too.


So yesterday morning we both started firing emails and phone calls at the two clinics to find out what went wrong. I finally got in touch with the clinic here, and they'd faxed the records to the wrong number. 

Can I just ask who the eff uses fax machines anymore??? Why not email? We can create a human being in a petri dish, but you transposed fax numbers!? WTF


Finally they get the records faxed and I get an email from our regular nurse in Cali who says all is well and to start my PIO shots that night. Baby Mama and I breathe a sigh of relief and all is right with the world once again.


So now I continue my new med schedule, and in just 3 days I will be boarding a plane to California!!!!! I can't believe it's finally here! I'm just ecstatic! I'm going to get my toes done before I leave because there's a laundry list of superstitions that I fully intend to abide by for the success of this transfer.


Wish me luck! We are in the final days until transfer. If everything goes well I will have a little baby on board this time next week. Whether he or she decides to stay is out of my control, but I am ready and rarin' to find out!!