Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Mommy and Me

I've been meaning to update since our group psych meeting last week, but I was in crunch mode since we decided on a last-minute trip to visit my in-laws to celebrate our nation's freedom. The irony is not lost on me.


So last week we had our group psych evaluation, which I was told about three hundred times is "an industry standard" by the lady doing our psych evaluation. I'm not sure any of us were super opposed to the meeting, so I don't know why she felt the need to assure us that EVERYTHING IS NORMAL!!! lol Umm it made me feel a bit like maybe everything was not normal. But that's psych evaluations for you.

I was a little nervous that I was going to have verbal diarrhea and just blurt out all kinds of craziness all over these people, so I made the Hubs meet me there so he could grab a muzzle if need be.
I just had so many questions and things I wanted to say to my IM since we have the weird no contact thing going. I just felt so in the dark about how they were feeling and how things were going, and I was going bonkers not knowing where we were with contracts and everything. So I was a little jittery on the way to the eval.
But of course when I got there I saw my IM, and she gave me a big hug and it all just melted away. She just has such a calm presence about her. I just know we'd be buds outside of this whole surrogacy relationship. Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know. I could be friends with a brick wall I guess. But there's something about her that's so darn likeable.

So the evaluation went really great. It was nice because it was kind of like when your best friend gets you in the same room as your crush and she's just like "Ok, so do you like like each other or what?"
So I checked yes and IM checked yes. So I guess we're going out now.

Actually what happened is that psych lady asked point blank what kind of contact we'd like to have before, during and after the pregnancy. I just grinned like an idiot and looked to IM to answer first. But then we both gave each other a silly look and basically squealed that we want to be pregger besties. 

I feel super lucky that I have IPs that want to have a lot of contact. I told them there basically is no limit to the number of times they can contact me in a given week. This may come as a surprise, but I'm a bit of an oversharer.
IM on the other hand has worked for a thousand suns in Human Resources, aka DONT ASK DONT TELL LAND.
So basically I'm PR (Hello Hi I'd like to share all kinds of information and be friends forever!) and she's HR ( Your business is your business please don't let me pry).

So I tried to assure her (in a non-needy way) that I'd be happy to answer any questions or address any concerns they have during this whole process since..uhmmm...their first born child will be IN MY BODY. How could someone be like "Yes you're only allowed to check in on your child on Wednesdays at 4." The therapist  lady said we should have weekly checkins, so I'm guessing we'll do that. But I told IM to hit me up whenevs.

Which led us to our next question about, what happens when I drop it like it's hot. Once that baby vacates the premises, what are my expectations. This was such a hard question because my honest feelings were that I'd like to build a friendship with these people since I'm going to be a small part of building their family. But I've deduced from my previous psych meeting that those expectations are unrealistic. So I told them I'd love to be as updated as they want me to be for..uhm...maybe...if they could find it in their hearts...to maybe let me have a few updates here and there for a year after the baby is born.

The psych lady kept reminding me that many IPs have been through so much on this journey that they're ready just to move on. It's too much work to keep up with surrogate updates, so she said a year is reasonable to ask for limited contact. But after a year I should be prepared to never hear from them again. That pretty much broke my heart, but at the same time I do understand. Those times before babies where we were sitting and waiting seem SO distant now. So I guess moving on is totally natural. But I already care very much about these people and the family they are trying to build. So I can't say it wouldn't be hard to just cut ties and never hear from them again.

Luckily IM was like Heck Freaking No. We've talked about it and how we want to approach the subject with the baby, and you can just count on us being bros and staying in touch and all kinds of really nice things. I really really really hope she's right and that all goes well and we can stay in touch at least on Facebook or something. I don't want to put pressure on them or make them feel obligated. But I just want to know that they're doing ok!

I've just heard a few stories lately about some really touchy relationships between GCs and IPs. I'm sure tensions and hormones run high, and I don't want to jinx anything so I'll just say I don't know how things will go. But in this moment, today, I am hoping to stay in touch with these folks for years to come.

Then we moved on to some logistics and things we'd already discussed at our first meeting. Then came the yucky horrid subject of termination. I've mulled it over and over and oooooooooovvvvverrrrrrrrr. And really my feelings haven't changed. I know I won't terminate for too many buns in the oven. Check. They're totes on board with that.

But the subject of termination for life-threatening stuff came up again and we had to really delve deep. It was a hard thing to explain, but I'm so glad we approached it because we really got everything out in the open and I'm so happy to report that we all seem to be on the same page for this one. Honestly it sounded like they were more concerned about my safety when it came to termination. Like terminating their own child if my life was at risk. I thought that was pretty hardcore. But thankfully in the end I think we all felt good about where we are on that subject. So WHEW!

As we neared the end of the meeting the psych lady asked how often we communicate now, and IM and I just kind of looked at each other longingly. We explained that we really don't have any contact and of course my verbal diarrhea was bubbling and about to spill out and explain that I'd almost hit the Friend Request button on Facebook about a million times. Then all of a sudden IM is like "Yeah I finally realized I had your email the other day when we were scheduling this consult and I was like 'Well is it weird if I email her?'"

So the HR in her totally prevented her from contacting me, but at least she had the same thoughts! That was just adorable. The psych lady said it was pretty clear that we both wanted to have more contact, so after the meeting we went outside and exchanged contact info. It was totally like scoring some hottie's number at a bar. I know she's totally just interested in me for my netherbits, but she'll totally call me after it's over. I'm pretty sure it's in our contract. 

So as I'm punching in her number the diarrhea hits and I just purged all the ridiculous and crazy things I'd had pent up inside for all this time. Thaaaaaaaaat was probably overkill and they probably think I'm a nut job now. But I was just so excited to finally be able to just talk to them like people. Turns out they're every bit as anxious as I am to get this show on the road. They also explained that they were waiting on some test results from their old clinic to be sent over, and that they found an attorney to draw up the contracts but then she went on vacation. So that was the hold up. 

I filled them in on all my testing and probably went overboard by telling them about Dr. Ramrod. I need to remember these people are not giant extroverts who need to know every speculum detail. But what's done is done. I haven't heard anything from our agency saying they've decided to back out because they think I'm mentally unstable.

What I have heard is texting bells from my IM! We've now texted back and forth a few times, and I just love her to pieces even more. She's making little wish bracelets for my girls....I know...seriously I thought I was going to cry.

And I told her I'm totally passing on all my baby stuff to her that was too sentimental for me to sell but that I'll clearly never use again.

I also heard from her today and they have contracts!!! It'll be a while for them to go through them, but I should be getting them really soon which means CALENDAR TIME!!!!

I'm just so happy with the way things are going right now. And tonight the dork side of me totally took over...I've been thinking for a while I was going to write a little children's book for my kids to give to the surro baby. I was thinking I'd go with the egg hatching theme maybe with a Mother Hen taking care of a Mama Duck's egg.

But today IM told me that she really wants to do a turtle theme in the nursery, although she can't bring herself to buy anything yet. 

So I got on a dork kick tonight and wrote the whole darn book. Since I'm a University of Florida grad my little surrogacy children's book is about a Mama Gator who cares for a Mama Snapping Turtle's egg. Yep. Dork. Don't care. If you know any dorky illustrators who want to illustrate a dorky children's book and can draw a decent gator send them my way!

Meanwhile we just wait for them to comb through the contracts. IM texted today and said "Ok in the contract it says that you need to let us know when you're going into labor. LMAO seriously?"

I told her I was just going to text them a few days after the kid is born for them to come pick him up. She said that's cool but don't name him or I'll get in some trouble with the contracts.

I said I was thinking of Cleopatra Louise, but if they don't like it whatevs. She said she's more of a "Christmas Apple" kind of namer.

I just love her.

So now we wait...but not much longer!! Those transfer dates are just around the corner.