Sunday, February 28, 2016

Baby Watch 2016 Update: Pregnant and I know it

I am officially 39 weeks 2 days, which is when I had both of my own babies. So it is official. This baby is never coming out. It's going to live in my womb forever until it's 18 and can legally be on its own. I'm going to ask the parents to come live with me so that they may watch their child grow up within my body. That's it.

Ugh finnneee it probably will come out. One day. But today is not that day. I honestly have never had a pregnancy where I was trying to get the baby out, but I'm starting to wonder about this one. I'm not particularly "miserable" or "done" although the prodromal labor played with my mind a bit. Then last night I had a super good bloody show, so I knew for sure I'd be in labor within minutes. But heeccckkk no. Not even one good contraction has been had since that little sign. So I don't know what to think.

I did go walking around the outdoor fancy swank swank mall today and no less than 50 people looked at me and CRACKED up at my ridiculous belly. I felt like Santa. Big. Fat. And bringing joy to the masses. 

I think the thing that messes with my mind is that I get these labor signs and I get all excited. Then when nothing happens it's like blue balls for the uterus. So here we are at 39 weeks creeping up on leap year day or whatever in the blazes you call it. And crickets from my uterus. Baby was rocking and rolling around, but acting happy as a clam to stay put for now.

My labor is certainly not as active as my phone! Now that thing is dilated to a 7 at least because holy cow the action on that bad boy is cray. Everyone is quite interested in my cervical status these days. Which I totally get! And appreciate. I love that I have so many folks who care about muh lady bits. I'm just sad to disappoint when I tell them that you could hear a pin drop in my birth canal.

I have had several people also ask me some really funny questions lately. As you probably guessed I'm totally open about this being a surrogate pregnancy. I sometimes feel like I'm oversharing because I'm quick to tell EVERYONE who asks about my belly that it's just a rental.

The principal at Sunshine's school asked "any day huh?" and I blurted out "Yep! Then I'm wild and free!" Quickly realizing she didn't understand I lightheartedly followed up with "This is a surrogate pregnancy, so it's not actually mine for keepsies."

She responded with something to the effect of "Oh my goodness have you prepared yourself to give it up? Do you feel ready!?!? What a gift!"

The only gift I'm giving is of my time and vaginal blowout. I don't think I quite put it that way, but I realized that a lot of people still don't understand what exactly gestational surrogacy is. Sweet Pea's teacher asked if I'd managed to find parents for the baby yet.

Ummm yes....I found the parents before I ever found the baby?

I'm starting to see that my recovery period may be super interesting with all the people who don't really get how this all works. I understand to a degree that they might not understand the emotional part. Truthfully I only assumed I knew what it would be like. Luckily it is 100% what I thought it would be like.

The whole process is so different than getting pregnant with my own. With my babies I just had a few conjugals and waited for a positive test. Hell with Sweet Pea I didn't even know what was going on until I wanted to murder my husband. The only time I want to murder is when I'm 6 weeks pregnant.

With this child I formed a relationship with the parents before it ever existed. We went over contracts. I waited for them to choose an egg donor. We waited for the little beebee to be created in a petri dish. I took rounds of IVF meds for the first transfer. And I watched my own ovulation happen with the second. I saw my own egg follicle mature and drop. I didn't bone anyone when it did. Then I literally watched them suck up the baby in a straw, carry it into the room and inject it into my baby baker. I guess because I witnessed all the science behind it, that might help in the disconnect.

But also I'm not planning to have a baby in my house. All the shit around here is for kid kids. I don't have diapers and burp clothes and teeny little onesies. I have Girl Scout cookies out of my ARSE and Lincoln Logs and random jars of sticks and rocks from the backyard. I'm not trying to come up with baby names. I'm trying to remember the names of Sweet Pea's friend from school who follows the rules. Is it Jack or Jackson? One of those two is a stinker and one is her best bro. I need to know which one to invite to her birthday. I'm not trying to come up with a middle name that goes rhythmically with the only first name the Hubs and I agree on.

Even so, I do see that there are people who are very concerned about my mental state these days. They seem to think the baby's not coming because my body and mind aren't ready to "give it up."

So to remind you that I'm all too happy to give this baby BACK to its parents...I have compiled this video of me trying to wiggle this child out of my body and into the arms of its ACTUAL PARENTS.


Thursday, February 25, 2016

A treat

So unfortunately because there are all sorts of awful people in the world I won't be able to share pictures of little Peanut when he or she arrives. Which judging by the pressure in my rectum could be any minute....

However since you've all been so patient and loyal and wonderful I bestow upon you the gift of song....

And dance...

And hysterical laughter.

Update Baby Watch 2016


I woke up with lightning crotch this morning. I was fairly certain the baby was trying to escape out of my actual butt. Contractions came on strong and hard and woke me from a deep sleep. My uterus was going for the gold. 

4 hours later that B acts like nothing ever happened. 

This prodromal labor is insane. It's a total mind game. One minute I swear this is IT. Then an hour later I'm questioning my entire life. What. The. Eff. 

I ran some errands and on the way to get sunshine off the bus I walked out another good bit of baby plug. So that's interesting. 

I've got 3 cookie booths this weekend, and that always seems to get things ramped up. So we shall see! If peanut can hang on until Saturday afternoon that would be great. 

I'll let you know how that plan goes. 

You've all been so patient and supportive I'm toying with the notion of rewarding you with one of the Pregger dance videos I've been sending my friends and family to let them know how pregnant I still am. 

If I don't go tonight I might treat you with one of those beauties tomorrow. 😁

Monday, February 22, 2016

Labor Intensive

First and foremost, Paula go to bed. There's no baby yet.

Yesterday things definitely changed. Baby definitely dropped, which explains the searing pain from yesterday morning. Apparently when he or she dropped down they landed on a nerve. Then they screwed their noggin into my pelvis and have left me with the most delightful ache right in the baby maker.

I also decided to do a Girl Scout cookie booth marathon yesterday, which I'm guessing is what led to the intense contractions I had last night. Honestly I didn't do much at the booths because my rockin' mama friend went into beast mode and loaded and unloaded dozens of cases of cookies and crap from my car like 17 times. That woman was on a mission to sell us out of cookies, and we only came home with 17 boxes. We started with about 350 to 400.

So last night after I got done with cookies I really felt the ache and decided to lay down and time contractions. They progressed like normal labor contractions down to 2 minutes apart and increased in intensity, which is what led my doula and my mom to truly believe this could be it.

I was in denial, but I also tried not to be in denial because I have other people to consider with this birth. With Sweet Pea denial labor worked. It distracted me enough so that I wasn't focusing on contractions. I kept convincing myself that it wasn't real labor, so the pain wasn't real. And that method totally led to a magical birth.

But this time I was teetering on the edge of denial and the fact that I needed to let the parents of this child know if they needed to get in the car.

Apparently while Baby Daddy and I hemmed and hawed about it, Baby Mama was walking around gathering her things. She was heading out.

Unlike her child.

Once I knew they were on their way I decided to sit down and try and slow things down. My doula even rubbed magical hippie oil on my feet and it was insanely amazing. I relaxed immediately....and so did Peanut.

The contractions were still there, and they were still uncomfortable. But they were definitely less painful. Then they were just consistent, but uncomfortable.

I sent my doula home right before Baby Mama and Baby Daddy rolled in from their 3 hour (only took them like 2 because they flew like the wind) drive.

I felt a wave of guilt as they walked in the door. I'd told them I thought it was baby day, and although I was still contracting I knew things were slowing to a crawl.

They were perfectly mellow and amazing, and we all decided to just get some rest and see where things were in the morning.

I tried one last ditch effort to ramp things up by busting out my new breast pump. Almost immediately I remembered why I didn't really enjoy breastfeeding a newborn. That crap hurts.

But I did get a nice little lunch packed for Peanut!

The pump had the contractions back in action, but I decided to get some sleep. It was 1:30 a.m., and it looked like things were just creeping along.

I went to bed and managed to sleep pretty hard. I did wake up a few times from some good contractions. But by 5 a.m. all was quiet. My uterus went to sleep.

I decided to call my midwife and see if we could change our appointment to today. We had one scheduled tomorrow anyway, but I hated for Baby Mama and Baby Daddy to have completely wasted a trip. Luckily they said they could get me in that morning.

Apparently what I've got going is called prodromal labor. It's often called false labor, but in actuality it's real labor. The contractions aren't like Braxton Hicks. They're like real labor pains, but they start and stop. One of the reasons for prodromal labor is often that the baby isn't quite in the right position. This would also explain all the lower back pain I was having.

So I called my mom, who works for a chiropractor to see if they could squeeze me in on my way to the midwife. They got me right back and the chiro got my right side in line right away. That left side though he REALLY had to work for. But whoooo buddy! After he was done my lower back pain was gone and I felt a lot better. Still a lot of pressure in the pelvis, but I'm thinking he might have opened things up for little Peanut to settle in.

I headed to the midwife and they asked if I wanted them to check for dilation. I was on the fence simply because dilation doesn't really tell you anything except "Yes you're in labor at this moment" or "Nope. Not yet." But you can walk out of the appointment and your cervix can open like the Grand Canyon.

Still I was a little curious if I'd dilated at all. With Sunshine I wasn't even dilated to a 1 at my appointment, and I had her three days later. With Sweet Pea I was dilated to a 1 and I had her the next day.

The midwife was an angel with tiny dainty digits, and the check didn't even hurt. Not like Knuckles McGruff who checked me when I was pregnant with Sunshine.

The verdict was that I'm dilated to about a 2 and 50 percent effaced. She could feel the baby's head, which wasn't all that impressive because uhhh so can I when I so much as stand up. I'm fairly certain if I get a mirror I'll see it peeking out.

So basically she said something is starting and my contraction patterns sounded like legit labor, so I wasn't crazy for thinking it was. But it could start and stop like that every day until I deliver. It could still be weeks before Peanut jumps ship. It could also be tonight. No one knows.

What I do know is that I have the best IPs known to man. They were the ones insisting that "Babies come when they're ready" and that "we are on Baby's schedule" and that they know I'm not some sort of baby labor psychic who can just know when exactly the kid will arrive. They totally eased all my guilt, so now I can stop being a freak and go back to my regularly scheduled program.

I just kept feeling like I needed to apologize for having them drive all the way up for nothing. But they were insistent that it wasn't for nothing and that they'd rather come up early than miss the birth entirely. I freaking love these people.

So my plan now is to just continue business as usual. I'm not going to try and get anything going. I won't pump again until maybe this weekend, and only because it was so freaking cool to see milk come out of me again that I'm dying to try and see what I can get. I'm still taking lactation courses, so yeah I'm obsessed with breast milk at the moment anyway.

So Peanut can just settle back in. I'm going to relax and calm down, and just let things happen. This dry run was good in that I realized what kick ass IPs I have. They weren't mad. They weren't annoyed. They were just freaking fabulous about the whole thing, and totally willing to let Peanut decide on his or her birthday.

They did decide on some names on the way down, and I want to cry. They're absolutely perfect.

So sorry for the false alarm! But if Baby Mama is handling it this well, then you can just calm your jugs and settle in too as we continue Baby Watch 2016.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Baby Watch 2016

Hey kids! So let's have a quick recap of the past few days...while I time some contractions.

BEWARE: Do not read on if you are in any way shape or form not prepared for TOO MUCH INFORMATION


Yesterday morning I went from constipation station to free flowing bowels. - Labor Sign 1

Yesterday evening - I lost a bit of mucus plug - Labor Sign 2

Yesterday afternoon - I found my Gonna Pop shirt that I wore the day I went into labor with Sweet Pea. I've been looking for it for months! Finally found it.

Here's me in labor with Sweet Pea

Got up this morning with a searing pain in my side. Didn't think much of it until it traveled to my lower back and pelvis and camped out there for the rest of the day. - Labor Sign 3

Decided to wear the Gonna Pop shirt. I was going to save it for our appointment Tuesday, but I really love that shirt, and I figured I could wear it twice this pregnancy. I do have a washing machine.

Today I had Girl Scout cookie booths out the ying yang. So I powered through contractions and distracted myself all day. I was probably the grouchiest booth mom ever during the contractions, but after working 4 booths I finally came home and decided to get an idea of how far apart these contractions actually were.

Verdict..12 minutes.

No wait....8 minutes..

Ok hold on I'm downloading a new contraction app...Shit. 5 minutes?! Wait...that can't be right.

Ok ummmm 4 minutes apart. Hmmm I think I should tell Baby Mama and Baby Daddy to pack up and head over...just in case.

So here I am. 2 minutes apart. Chillin' with my doula and my mom and Baby Mama and Baby Daddy are in route!

Stay might not see this belly again.  

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Baby watch 2016

So I'm now 36 weeks pregnant, and I'll officially be full term on Friday. We want nugget to stay in as long as possible, but starting Friday he or she can make a grand appearance and they won't do a thing to stop it! Crazy!

In other news I am now defying gravity...

Then on Tuesday last week I started having some consistent Braxton hicks contractions. They continued to be 8 minutes apart for 3 days so I broke down and called the midwife. 

They basically left it up to my judgment since it's my third rodeo and I knew I wasn't really in labor. But I felt like I had to call since this isn't my kid. I've got to be extra vigilant. 

So I told Baby Mama to talk some sense into little Peanut, and she sent a voicemail, which I didn't listen to. But I did hook it up to my belly beats and played it for Peanut. 

And I'll be darned if my contractions stopped! No clue what she said but that's some kind of mama voice. 

And all was quiet for a few days. Today I laid around like a bump until I felt bad for cooping the kids up. We decided to grab lunch at their fave pizza place, but as soon as I got in the car I started having major Braxton hicks. Like straight painful. 

They've since subsided but whoooo boy I'm wondering what's up. 

I've got an appointment with the midwife tomorrow to check and see if baby is locked and loaded head down. My guess is yes, but what do I know. 

I've also got my group B strep test, so cross your fingers it's a neg. I was positive with Sunshine and had to be on antibiotics during labor. I'm trying to avoid that nonsense. I was negative with Sweet Pea so let's hope!

I met with my amazing doula Monday and she gave me some maternity tea and promises of a rub down. So basically I'm crushing hard on this broad right now. 

She's going to also talk to Baby Mama to find out what they'd like for the birth. I've given my two cents, but I want their input since it's like umm the biggest day of their lives. 

It's totally inching closer and we are all getting excited over here! Watch the blog for updates as we approach the red zone. 

Baby day approacheth...