Friday, June 27, 2014

Patience is a four letter word

It's been a little quiet on the surro front. The name of the game is patience these days. After our psych evaluation we were told that we needed to do a group session, which I was totally psyched about!

I'm hilarious.

Anyway I was really excited to do the group eval because it meant we got to chat face to face with our IPs again. I'm not sure why our communication is so minimal in these early stages. It seems so...sterile. But I guess they do it while I'm passing all my screenings so things don't get sticky in case I can't carry for some reason? I don't really get it.

Anyway, I heard back early in the week from the fertility clinic because my thyroid levels were low. I got a little nervous because Dr. Google told me 1. obviously I'm going to die and 2. I might not be able to be a carrier.

It was unclear through their email if my thyroid was underactive or overactive. They just said something something blah levels...blah thyroid...low. Retest.

So I went in for more bloodwork on Wednesday, and I asked the girl if they thought I was hyper or hypo. She took me into her office to check and said they thought hyper.


Hyperthyroidism is characterized by a number of things, but the symptom that pretty much rules me out is the inability to gain weight...yeah..uhmm noo...

She asked if I had any of the other symptoms like being mega tired or wired or wanting to kill myself all the time...I'm starting to wonder about people really. I've been asked about a thousand times since we started this if I want to off myself? Makes me really sad actually! There must be tons of people who can't go on.

I think that if I ever got to the point where life wasn't worth living I'd do something crazy. Like I'd sell all my possessions and run off to Europe to do some kind of Eat, Pray, Love thing. I'm totally too afraid of dying as it is, and I get really melodramatic when I bump my hip on the corner of the dining room table. So yeah I don't think suicide is even an option for me.

I told her I'm only as tired or hyper as a mother of two young kids should be, and I've not had anything resembling suicidal thoughts. So she said we're probably fine and nothing to worry about. The worry I guess with low levels is that I wouldn't be able to sustain a pregnancy.

While waiting for the results we were also trying to schedule our group session, which proved to be quite a challenge. I'm taking a trip to visit my in-laws with the kids in July, but the psychologist was going to be out of town this week and all kinds of scheduling conflicts arose.

Trying to schedule five grown adults for a powwow was way harder than I thought. We got an email from our Surro Solutions guru that we wouldn't be able to meet until mid-July!

I was dying because I'm just itching to set a transfer date, and it looked like this dog and pony show was at a stand still. I tried to be cool in the group email and said that's fine we'll be available that week whenever they like.

Luckily the IF was not as patient. He emailed back saying that while they know they'll have to be patient for 9 months while I cook their baby, he was going to do his damndest to speed this part up. Hoorah!! That cleared the path for us to meet next week!

The downside is that I now have both my IPs email addresses. The extrovert in me is dying. I've already drafted an email in my mind to my IM just being like "OMG I've been going through all these tests and I want you to know everything is great and my uterus is totally rad and I'm ready to put your baby inside me and aren't you excited because I'm totally excited and I can't wait to hand you your baby for the first time and see your faces and I hope it all works out swimmingly because I'm a little nervous about you putting all your eggs in my basket and what if it doesn't work and I've already been taking prenatals and going to the gym so I'm semi fit and I quit Sweet Tea which is really a big deal but I want to give you the best chance ever OMG!!"

But I haven't sent it. And I won't. I'll totally respect this whole weird go through the surrogate agency thing for now. Our Surro pro said once our contracts are signed she'll hand most of the communication over to us, so we can chat like people.

Ugh contracts. I don't know why it takes so long to draft these things. I would assume there's some kind of Word template for it by now!? They sent me the financial part for my approval and I didn't change anything? I was like yeah yeah whatever's standard is fine with me! I just want to get this baby growing!!!!

So we got our group sesh scheduled, then yesterday I heard back about my test results. Turns out my normal level of thyroid happiness is just low. They ran some other T3 free something or other tests and my levels are totally normal. Just on the low end of the spectrum. But totally baby friendly. Super happy about that, albeit a little secretly disappointed I'm not going to be in the Skinny No Matter What You Eat Club.

So now we wait. I guess we're mainly waiting on the contract thing. To my understanding once we have those we can set a date!

Until then I'll just be cool and practice my patience.