Monday, December 22, 2014

Time to stop

Tonight is the night. For the first time in many weeks I won't be prepping my needle or lining up my pills. 

We are back from our trip, and on the drive I decided that tonight it's time to stop meds. My pregnancy symptoms have pretty much all subsided except for the occasional dizziness. I saw the evidence on Friday, but I still thought what if? 

Then over the weekend I realized I wasn't sick anymore and I felt pretty normal. Pretty not pregnant. Pretty sad. 

I'm a little scared for tomorrow. I'm hoping the worst passes quickly and that I'll be through the hardest part by Christmas Eve. The clinic said it's hard to say when the bleeding will start because the PIO shots stay in your system for weeks. Ideally nothing would happen until next week after the holidays. But that would mean spending the holidays worrying that every twinge was the start of something. 

So I just hope it starts tomorrow and goes quickly. I don't know what to expect because with my miscarriage I never had a single twinge. I felt very pregnant and morning sick as they wheeled me back for my D&C. This time I'm trying au naturale. 

Silly Baby Mama apologized to me for the timing of all this. I almost bopped her head. No matter what brief pain I experience, it is nothing compared to the loss of a child. 

Anyone who has miscarried their own baby can probably attest that the physical pain didn't hold a candle to the ache of a mother's broken heart. 

So damnit damnit. Again I just hate this part. But it's just an ugly chapter in the story that will make the happy ending that much sweeter.