Monday, June 15, 2015

Transfer TMI

Keep your pants on boys. This filly can't be bred. 


Thaaatttsss right. As we speak there's a little bundle of life settling in at Chez Uterus. I reserved the deluxe penthouse suite with 100% organic locally grown lining linens. Only the best for this guest. 

The transfer was bumped up from Tuesday to Monday. The embryologist called this weekend mid thaw and thought noon would be a good time to knock me up. 

So I got to sleep in, then get up and nosh on the breakfast of champions
Brisket taco with guac. Ya know...for the iron. Tacos and burritos are kind of my thing with Baby Mama. 

Then Hubs and I dropped the kids off with my mom. They brought her a hand picked bouquet from our yard since today is her bday. Happy Bday Ma! 

Then we headed to the clinic. We stopped on the way for a lucky transfer smoothie (with pineapple of course). 
I had my lucky green shirt and flip flops and my turtle earrings for good fertile turtle vibes. 

The smoothie also helped with the full bladder they requested. This transfer was a bit different than the Cali attempt. 

For one they dolled me up in the sexy hospital gown complete with hair net and booties. I can only assume it's to mimic natural conception. Ya know..because I looked so damn sexy. Of course I'm going to get pregnant in that getup. 

They went with an abdominal ultrasound rather than transvaginal. AKA an adorable nurse used a wand on my tummy rather than my glory hole. 

The other kinda bummer is that they had Hubs and the IPs wait in a little room with a tv. So they just saw the grainy screen and actually kind of missed THE MOMENT just because they didn't know when to expect it. 

So that sucked but was fine. I snapped a pic for them. 
My fellow surro sister pointed out that my uterus looks like the sexy girl on the trucker mud flap but with a short arm. 

Look. 

Yep now you can unsee that. 

Again they had me on the table completely bare assed and I'm crackin jokes like Eddie Murphy. I think the phrase "elbow deep in my vagina" actually came out. 

I'm such a charmer. 

But other than that it was the same drill. They lifted the table so Dr. B was totally eye level with my lady bits. They even had a spotlight. My vag is kind of a big deal. 

Then they double checked the baby straw that they slurped the embie up in and it was gone. So we can only assume that the little booger is snug as a bug. 

Hubs and I grabbed lunch with the IPs and it was quite lovely. Glad it wasn't weird for him to watch while I got pregs with another man's baby. 

Actually I think Hubs found it quite magical. He seemed a lot more interested and was super encouraging. I think last time it was hard for him to really get it since he couldn't be there. He was the same way with our kids until they fell out of me. 

We parted ways and I probably hugged the life out of Baby Mama. But she asked for it. I can't help but totally love a woman who entrusts me with her baby like that. Totally her fault. Boob smashing hugs were all I brought. 

Now the dreaded 2WW. You fertility buffs know what's up. That means I have to wait nearly two weeks to find out just how snuggly this baby is. 

The damn HCG shot I got to trigger ovulation is the pregger hormone. So that stays in my system for up to 2 weeks. 

The only thing I've seen you can do is test it out. So I tested this morning. What I'm looking for is for the line to lighten up for a few days then darken. 

Day one: obviously positive. But faint at least. I'd like to see it get fainter until maybe Thursday or Friday. 

I have progesterone labs Wednesday to make sure I'm producing enough. Then beta is next Friday. Killer. 

This will be the only pee stick you see from me though. At least until we have beta results and Baby Mama knows first. Then I'll post my progression either way. 

So baby should implant tonight or tomorrow. It could take a wee longer since it was frozen. But not by too much. 

They said I can resume business and usual. No lying in bed wrapped in bubble wrap with ice cream and Netflix as one friend put it. 

It was actually quite quick and relatively painless (looking at you speculum). But I will let you in on a very terrifying part of an IVF transfer though. Like very seriously scary. 

Women who have birthed a child know that one of the most terrifying and anxiety ridden parts of delivering a baby isn't the pushing or contractions or episiotomy. It's what happens in the day or days after delivery. The first poop. 

The first poop after delivery isn't talked about much because #1 girls don't poop. And #2 it's so horrifyingly scary that we just want to forget it. 

But I'm here to tell you that the first potty break after an embryo transfer is almost as scary as the first post partum poop. 

It's irrational yes. But very real. 

You see the uterus is like a deflated balloon made of sponge. The insides are all soft and smushed together. And they just slip this spec of embryo dust in there and the cervical gate shuts. 

This does not stop a woman from having the actual fear that she is going to inadvertently shit an embryo. 

I guess Sunshine overheard this brief conversation I had with my mom because she followed me into the bathroom tonight with my phone in her hands.  I inquired as to what she might need and she replied "I'm just waiting to get a picture in case you poop out an embryo."

#stuffsurrokidssay

She did however redeem herself by saying a sticky prayer for the baby tonight. She really seems to get why we are doing this. She wants Baby Mama and Baby Daddy to get their baby they so desperately deserve. 

So send those sticky vibes and say some serenity prayers as we head into the 2WW! 

The excitement and a storm is brewing. And I've always been told that rain is good luck. 

Snuggle in little one!