Monday, May 16, 2016

Mother's Day

Last night I slept next to a trash can and the little person who almost 7 years ago made me a mother.

Last night that sweet angel laid next to me breathing vomit in my face. Just like when she was an infant, I was jolted awake in the middle of the night by her cries. And when that little creature had to pee I scooped her up and carried her bleary eyed to the potty being careful not to trip over the crutches leaning on the bed. I'd spent my entire Saturday perched on the couch since that sweet cherub picked up a nasty stomach virus in the urgent care waiting room while we were there getting X-rays on her broken foot. It's one thing to have a stomach bug, but it's really upping your game to have a broken foot on top of it so that you can't run to the toilet when you need to barf. I spent 24 hours covered in red Gatorade vomit. And all she wanted in the world was for her mama to hold her. All. Day. And. All. Night. Needless to say I did NOT wake up on Mother's Day feeling rested and refreshed. But with all the truth in the land I truly am grateful.

Today is the first Mother's Day that Baby Mama will hold a child in her arms. She too will probably wake up groggy having been up with her baby all night. Knowing him, Baby Daddy might have taken the night shift as an awesome Mother's Day gesture. But as I understand it little Peanut has turned into quite the mama's girl they all do at that age. Anyway one night of rest won't make up for almost 9 weeks of newborn life. But I'm sure Baby Daddy has something special planned for her. After all they've been waiting for this day for a long time.

On previous Mother's Days I'll admit I just wanted a day off. I wanted one day with no motherly responsibilities. I didn't want people hanging on my leg or asking for water just as I sat down to lunch. I didn't want to have to take anyone potty or clean up any spills. But this Sunday I'm so grateful to have little souls who need me. I think now that I've helped bring another woman into the club I have a fresh reminder of the Sundays before now when I had no little sticky hands to hold and no little cheeks to kiss. I'm reminded of the Mother's Day after my miscarriage when I sat on the floor of my bedroom sobbing and clutching my empty belly.

This Mother's Day my heart is so full not only because I brought my children into the world, but because I had the privilege and honor to bring little Peanut earthside to her mama.

People ask me if I've heard from them since the birth, and apparently it's a valid question because some surros never hear from their IPs again. But not Baby Mama. I am so happy to report that our relationship has evolved into a beautiful friendship. I get pictures of the little squish snuggled up to her mama and daddy and canine siblings all the time. We still commiserate in the early morning hours sometimes, although I am guilty of sleeping now that I stopped pumping while she trudges on through the newborn nights.

She's starting to reach those first bittersweet milestones where she tears up as little Peanut is growing out of onesies. I remember that. Those moments your heart aches because you see how fast it goes, but it also explodes with excitement for the next milestone because each day they become more fascinating and beautiful. You start to see them emerging from their sleepy cocoons into beautiful little people.

I'm still trying to figure out when our lives will slow down enough to go for a visit. My little ones are keeping me so busy I haven't had time to plan a trip. I can't believe more than two months have flown by already. It seems like I was pregnant just yesterday, but also a lifetime ago. 

So this Mother's Day I'll be pushing fluids and sitting anchored to the couch, but I'm so grateful. Grateful to my babies for making me a mama. Grateful to Baby Mama for letting me be a part of her motherhood journey. Grateful to my own mama for being there cheering me on through my surrogacy and really EVERY OTHER EVENT in my life. And grateful to all of the mamas in my village. The ones who take Sweet Pea to birthday parties when Sunshine is too sick. The ones who respond to my dubsmash texts with laugh/cry emojis then follow up with their own ridiculous rendition of uptown funk. And the ones who are always there at a moment's notice to help me along my own motherhood journey.

So Happy Mother's Day to all you wonderful women out there! And welcome to the club Baby Mama! So glad you're here.